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    #1

    Nations Getting Together

    Hi all,

    I am preparing for IELTS and writing essays to improve my writing skills. I wrote this essay as an answer this question that I found in Cambridge Practice Tests for Ielts 2

    Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

    To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

    "Nations Getting Together

    Well-known organizations such as football World Cup are obligatory to soften international relations and release friendly feelings safely. They are considered as a kind of bridge connecting different nations to each other. However, I totally disagree with this opinion. Ambitious/Pushing nature of those events often damage those relations.

    First of all, the competitive atmosphere in such organisations make people focus on the result instead of the process which is more likely to create a bondage between other communities. For example, referees could be paid to make mistaken/wrong decisions in favor of one team in a football match. Because winning the game is much more important than getting together for an activity. There is no doubt that cheating is something that harms people's friendly/amicable/kindly emotions especially when it is easily detected/recognised. Therefore, international competitions may worsen relations since people are highly likely to succumb to their temptation to come first. (or succumb to their ambition ?)

    Secondly, that sort of occasions may cause a brawl. Since people may not accept the fact that their nation is beaten in a sport game, after or during the event, they can attack to opponent fans and players. When these kinds of terrible things happen, it often ends up with political problems between related countries.

    In conclusion, people are inclined to be succesfull in competitive events rather than to just enjoy spending quality time. When it comes to international occasions, people may become much more ambitious, and it is likely to end up with huge problems. "
    Last edited by Erbab; 03-Mar-2020 at 17:37.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    Did they really not capitalise "World Cup" in the book?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Member
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    #3

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    I am sorry, I edit it now. It is capitalised in the book. I was a little bit tired while opening the thread. So, I did not realize it.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    Quote Originally Posted by Erbab View Post
    I am sorry. I have edited it now. It is capitalised in the book. I was a little bit tired while opening the thread. So, I did not realize it.
    I think that's what you meant. If not, please tell me.
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  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    For starters, the World Cup is a competition, not an organization.
    Not a professional teacher

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    What you are trying to say is that sporting events do not bring people together. They do not build amity.

    A lot of things depend not so much on what you do but how you do it.
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    #7

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    Yes, exactly. I have tried to say it by the underlined parts.

    First of all, the competitive atmosphere in such championships make people focus on the result instead of the process which is more likely to create a bond to(instead of between) other communities. For example, referees could be paid to make mistaken/wrong decisions in favor of one team in a football match. Because winning the game is much more important than getting together for an activity.

    Therefore, international competitions may worsen relations since people are highly likely to succumb to their temptation to come first.

    People are inclined to be succesfull in competitive events rather than to just enjoy spending quality time.

    Does my way of saying this sound natural? The most important thing for me is to use grammar and vocabulary correctly.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    Maybe you could say something like:

    There have been riots before, during and after soccer (football) matches. That is, I think, a result of the overcompetitive nature of such events.

    Unfortunately, your posts are hard to understand. You need to compose shorter, simpler sentences. As it is it is hard for me figure out what you are trying to say.
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    #9

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    Thank you very much for your explanation. Since I am preparing for IELTS, I need to be capable enough to make more complicated sentences. So, I really wonder which sentences are not clear.

    May you please show me the problematic sentences in my essay? You may underline them and I can try to paraphrase.

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Nations Getting Together

    Let's look at post #7. The text starts off with First of all, but there is no Second of all. (The first sentence is a total mess.)

    Let's look at the second sentence. Try:

    Because of the pressure to win, the temptation is to bribe the referees to favor one team over the other.

    People are inclined to be successful ....

    That means they are more likely to be successful than not. That is true in the case of sporting events only if their opponent obliges them by losing.
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