Use river metaphor to describe this lady's hair

[alpacinou]

Hello

I intend to describe this lady's hair in a poetic fashion:



I intend to use the river metaphor and then the cascade one. I have seen cascade used for describing women's hair a lot.

My question is, does my sentence work?

Two interwoven golden river of braids flow through two sides of her head as if to conjoin in the back of her head and fall down in a cascade.

If this sentence does not work, how can I use the river metaphor in the correct way?

 

[emsr2d2]

I don't think that describes her hair at all. When we say that someone's hair cascades, it suggests the hair is loose, not in a couple of complicated plaits (braids).

 

[alpacinou]

I don't think that describes her hair at all. When we say that someone's hair cascades, it suggests the hair is loose, not in a couple of complicated plaits (braids).

Is there no way I can use the river metaphor here?

How would you describe this lady's hair?

 

[emsr2d2]

It's in two French plaits tied together at the back of her head, or two side plaits which are then plaited together at the back.

We're really not in the habit of using overly flowery prose to describe hairstyles.

 

[GoesStation]

Try describing her hair in plain language, using no metaphors and no more than two adjectives.

 

[emsr2d2]

Sadly, I don't think that's going to fit the OP's desire to describe it "in a poetic fashion".

 

[alpacinou]

Honestly, I just try to write in a flowery fashion because it makes me happy.

I don't intend to publish this for anyone.

I just try to write in a dramatic fashion and test the limits of my own imagination.

 

[emsr2d2]

I'm not sure it's a good use of your time or the forum's time, even if it does make you happy. Wouldn't you prefer to concentrate on grammatically perfect English, especially given your job?

 

[alpacinou]

To go back to the original question, is there a way I can use the river metaphor here?

 

[emsr2d2]

I can't think of one. Her hairstyle does not make me think of anything to do with rivers.

 

[GoesStation]

To go back to the original question, is there a way I can use the river metaphor here?

Her braids flow over her brow like two golden rivulets. I think "river" is two large a body of water to work. I started to write "golden streams" but that image is often applied to urine, so it's best avoided.

 

[emsr2d2]

But her braids don't go (or flow) over her brow at all. They go over her ears.

 

[alpacinou]

But her braids don't go (or flow) over her brow at all. They go over her ears.

Fair enough. Can we say this?

Her golden braids flow over her ears like two rivulets and conjoin in the back of her head to cascade down her shoulder.

 

[GoesStation]

Fair enough. Can we say this?

Her golden braids flow over her ears like two rivulets and conjoin in the back of her head to cascade down her shoulder.

It's grammatical. "Conjoin" sounds clinical and reminds me of conjoined twins, which probably isn't the image you're looking for. When one stream of water joins another, one is a tributary of the other. Can you use that word?

I'm biting my tongue so as not to comment on the style. :-(

 

[alpacinou]

It's grammatical. "Conjoin" sounds clinical and reminds me of conjoined twins, which probably isn't the image you're looking for. When one stream of water joins another, one is a tributary of the other. Can you use that word?

I'm biting my tongue so as not to comment on the style. :-(

What if I just use join?

I know what you mean about the style. I think it's a bit too much!

How can I tone it down a bit? You know, be poetic and not schmaltzy!

 

[GoesStation]

What if I just use "join"?

I know what you mean about the style. I think it's a bit too much!

How can I tone it down a bit? You know, be poetic and not schmaltzy!

You can definitely use "join". I'm afraid I'm not really capable of writing the kind of prose you're looking for. Sometimes I wish I could write with a little more pizazz.

 

[alpacinou]

You can definitely use "join". I'm afraid I'm not really capable of writing the kind of prose you're looking for. Sometimes I wish I could write with a little more pizazz.

I see.

 

[Rover_KE]

Also asked and answered here.

Are you aware, alpacinoutd, that

We recommend posting a question on one forum only initially. If you do not get a satisfactory answer from that forum and you feel that you have exhausted its possibilities, then of course trying a different forum might help. It is only courteous however, to tell the second forum that you have already asked the question on another forum and then give a precis of the answers you received there, or provide a link to it, along with an explanation of why you are now looking elsewhere.
?

 

[alpacinou]

Also asked and answered here.

Are you aware, alpacinoutd, that

We recommend posting a question on one forum only initially. If you do not get a satisfactory answer from that forum and you feel that you have exhausted its possibilities, then of course trying a different forum might help. It is only courteous however, to tell the second forum that you have already asked the question on another forum and then give a precis of the answers you received there, or provide a link to it, along with an explanation of why you are now looking elsewhere.
?

I had no idea that I should say that. Please accept my apology.

But I usually ask my questions in different forums.

If, that is construed as uncourteous, I sincerely apologize.

 

[emsr2d2]

It's only discourteous (not "uncourteous") if you don't tell us (or the members of the other forum) that you have done so. Providing the information Rover mentioned saves us wasting our time responding only to find that the question has already been answered elsewhere.