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    • Join Date: Sep 2006
    • Posts: 19
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    #1

    (Critique) go easy

    I love to write but have zero foundation. What did I do wrong and what could have made it better.

    Thanks
    David

    ABSTINANCE
    Well, this is the second time that Iíve had to come here. You know; itís not that Iím embarrassed. Itís that it is beyond pathetic. How in the world could I let this happen again. I can answer that one. Partying----drinking---- bad company---- Ďnuff said. When Iím drunk, I get loose, and I end up sitting in this chair talking to you about how I should handle being pregnant. This is what sickens me. I am better than this. Itís like two people living on the inside of me fighting for the right to control my soul. I think I need to stop drinking.


    • Join Date: Mar 2006
    • Posts: 671
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    #2

    Re: (Critique) go easy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheFinalRevolution View Post
    I love to write but have zero foundation. What did I do wrong and what could have made it better.

    Thanks
    David

    ABSTINANCE
    Well, this is the second time that Iíve had to come here. You know; itís not that Iím embarrassed. Itís that it is beyond pathetic. How in the world could I let this happen again. I can answer that one. Partying----drinking---- bad company---- Ďnuff said. When Iím drunk, I get loose, and I end up sitting in this chair talking to you about how I should handle being pregnant. This is what sickens me. I am better than this. Itís like two people living on the inside of me fighting for the right to control my soul. I think I need to stop drinking.
    In terms of grammar and vocabulary, the text is perfect (apart from the spelling of 'abstinence'). Presumably, you want a creative writing critique, but I believe this is outside of the scope of the forum.


    • Join Date: Sep 2006
    • Posts: 19
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    #3

    Re: (Critique) go easy

    Thank you very much for the info.


    • Join Date: Mar 2006
    • Posts: 671
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    #4

    Re: (Critique) go easy

    You might try www.writersintouch.com

    I've used that one - it's not bad.

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