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  1. Dukul12345's Avatar
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    #1

    Lightbulb She was a masterpiece in her wholesomeness

    Please correct any mistakes in my writing below--


    She was a masterpiece in her wholesomeness.

    Having entered the room, I noticed her sitting silently on the bed, likely awaiting me. I found her as a seeming epitome of glossiness. She was shinning like a diamond even under the faint brightness of dim light. Her long and thick, black-shiny hair seemed to be giving off the aroma of celestial flora. A golden tiara entwining her hair, which tenderly fell over her olive-toned forehead, was sparkling. I, for a moment, lost myself in her enigmatic, inviting eyes, a pair of onyx. Her nectar-exuding lips, the loveliest combination of Crimson and Burgundy, were shaped into a mesmerizing smile. Her hypnotic face, the apparent paragon of sacredness, seemed angelic to me. The thin band of platinum enclosing sapphire glittered on her ring finger, and her hands, whose skin was barely visible through the gap of the numerous gold bangles, rested on the traditional red sari that was wrapped around the delicate, seductive figure. Overpowered by the lecherousness, my every nerve fiver was stirring and my blood pressure was raising high with every passing nano-second, but it suddenly happened as if I had been spirited away from that amorous cubicle. I unfolded my eyes, inspected the new circumstance and instantly realized that I had been in the realm of dream. It was a dream- a dream that everyone cultivates in their subconscious minds.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: She was a masterpiece in her wholesomeness

    The first thing that needs correcting is the title. It means nothing. What are you trying to say?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Dukul12345's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: She was a masterpiece in her wholesomeness

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    The first thing that needs correcting is the title. It means nothing. What are you trying to say?
    I am trying to say that the lady I saw in my dream was a perfect woman to me.

  4. Moderator
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    #4

    Re: She was a masterpiece in her wholesomeness

    Quote Originally Posted by Dukul12345 View Post
    Please correct any mistakes in my writing below--


    She was a masterpiece in her wholesomeness.

    Having entered the room, I noticed her sitting silently on the bed, likely awaiting me. I found her to be a seeming epitome of glossiness. She was shining like a diamond even under the faint brightness of the dim light. Her long, thick, shiny black hair seemed to be giving off the aroma of celestial flora. A golden tiara entwining her hair, which tenderly fell over her olive-toned forehead, was sparkling. I, for a moment, lost myself in her enigmatic, inviting eyes, a pair of onyx [a noun is needed here]. Her nectar-exuding lips, the loveliest combination of crimson and curgundy, were shaped into a mesmerizing smile. Her hypnotic face, the apparent paragon of sacredness, seemed angelic to me. The thin band of platinum-enclosing sapphire glittered on her ring finger, and her hands, whose skin was barely visible through the gap of the numerous gold bangles, rested on the traditional red sari that was wrapped around her delicate, seductive figure. Overpowered by the lechery, my every nerve fiber was stirring and my blood pressure was rising higher with every passing nano-second, but it suddenly happened as if I had been spirited away from that amorous cubicle. I unfolded my eyes, inspected the new circumstance and instantly realized that I had been in the realm of dream. It was a dream- a dream that everyone cultivates in their subconscious minds.
    As ems said, the title means nothing.

    I have made a few corrections, and underlined some words which need to be replaced with more appropriate ones.

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