IELTS writing task 2- Engaging children in paid work

[mahdi.safari]

TopicShould not be less than 250 words)
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work, some people regard this a completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
What are your opinion on this?

People have different views about whether children should be engaged in some kind of paid work or not. While a spirit of work can be useful in their future life, I believe that they should spend full time in their study program.

Paid work has several benefits for children and their families. Firstly, gaining work experience is critical in today's society. Moreover, it helps individuals develop their characteristics and social relationship. For example, children will have to learn that punctuality is important and being responsible for any given job is necessary when they work for other people. They also have to learn to take care of themselves and how to coordinate with their friends at work. Secondly, earning money by children can help their families financially by covering their expenses indipendently and give the rest of their money to family.

On the other hand, children can be easily exploited if not look after carefully. Their families and government should pay special attension while they are working outside. In addition, it is very important to make sure that they can maintain a good balance between work and study. This only can happens when government enforce strict policies on the total working hours for children and their work rights. Parents have to educate their children on how important their studies are and to make sure their children pay adequate attention and effort to that.


In conclusion, while many people support the idea of children paid work, in my opinion, children should spend their full time in their education program.

 

[Tarheel]

Children working outside the home

**In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work (outside the home). Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it valuable experience.**

I think we should take into account that some don't really have a choice.

("Some children are engaged in paid work" is okay, but I wouldn't use the other one.)

 

[mahdi.safari]

Re: Children working outside the home

Thank you Tarheel,

I have changed the introduction as follow: Is it good reply to the topic?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. While people have different views of child labour, in my opinion disadvantages of being a child labour is much more than its advantages.

 

[Tarheel]

Re: Children working outside the home

Just say the disadvantage outweigh the advantages.

 

[mahdi.safari]

Re: Children working outside the home

I hve done the introduction and the first paragraph: Please let me know your comments.

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. While people have different views of child labour, in my opinion disadvantages of being a child labour outweight the advantages.

Child paid work has several benefits for the parents and employers as well as children themselves. Firstly, the children who work can acquire skills, they also can cover their expenses and financially become stable. Furthermore, by working, children gain self-esteem, and command respect from their elders. Secondly, work of a child is beneficial to some extent for their family. However, for the poverty stricken parents the work of their child is most beneficial. According to statistics, children commonly contribute around 20-25 percent of family income. Finaly, the work of child is most profitable for the employers in comparison to the parents. Children are cheap labourers. Moreover, because they are children, they have a particular physical characteristic like nimble finger, sharp eyesight and
sharp memory.

 

[Tarheel]

I think it's good for IELTS, where you only have to seem to make sense. (They have to look at hundreds of essays.)

As for In conclusion, it's fine here, but by coincidence I have recently read some columns by my favorite writers. They never use that phrase. (Nobody else does either.)

 

[Tarheel]

Please note that I already worked on a very similar essay previously. You can find it in this section.

Feel free to comment on my suggestions.

 

[mahdi.safari]

I think it's good for IELTS, where you only have to seem to make sense. (They have to look at hundreds of essays.)

As for In conclusion, it's fine here, but by coincidence I have recently read some columns by my favorite writers. They never use that phrase. (Nobody else does either.)

What is your suggestion to replace in conclusion?

 

[Tarheel]

What is your suggestion to replace in conclusion?

I would use nothing at all.

PM me, and I will give the names of some of my favorite writers.

 

[jutfrank]

I think it's good for IELTS, where you only have to seem to make sense.

You should aim to do a lot more than seem to make sense in an IELTS essay.

IELTS essays are graded in bands from 1 to 9, so how 'good' an essay is is relative to the candidate's expected grade.

 

[Tarheel]

Re: Children working outside the home

Try:

Because they are children they have particular physical characteristics like nimble fingers, sharp eyesight and sharp memory.

 

[Tarheel]

Re: Children working outside the home

Just say the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

Be more careful with your spelling, OK.

 

[mahdi.safari]

Re: Children working outside the home

Second main body paragraph:

On the other hand, child labour definitely has some drawbacks to all parties. By joining in the labour market from a very tender age, children become home less and are devoid of love, care and affection, which is the basic right of a child. Besides, the right to recreation, leisure and other pleasures of childhood are affected by working as child labourers. Although work of children have some positive effect on the family, this benefits is for short period only and education have much better effect, especially in this modern world. Also, employers should be aware that hiring a child in any way is against the law in many countries. They may be sentenced to pay penalty or even to go to prision.