Describe an idea you had for improving something at work or college

[Erbab]

Hi all,

I've prepared a text for the task mentioned in the title. I would be grateful if you can help me find out my mistakes.

"I have spent 6 years studying at the university. And it helped me find out how our education system is flawed. Many professors are just reading their notes represented in their slides and giving us some formulations to memorize. I believe, this method just does not teach anything. We are only memorizing formulations and practicing how to apply them to some certain questions. In my opinion, this way of teaching is not appropriate if we want to help students become qualified in their profession.

So, I have developed an idea as a solution for this problem during my university years. My idea is based on reaping the benefit of technology including computer graphics, artificial intelligence and virtual reality in education. For example, we can visualize, especially, some abstract concepts by using 3D or 2D animation programmes. I am sure it will help people to have more vivid images on their minds about these subjects. It is also possible to create a virtual laboratory where students can learn by doing experiments. In my view, trial and error is vitally important to fully comprehend all aspects of a subject. So, a virtual laboratory which can be supported by virtual reality would enable students to discover science through empirical observation. Besides, we can also benefit from artificial intelligence to determine student’s strong and weak areas and prepare a unique training plan for each of them. By this way, we can help students much more effectively.

I have explained my ideas to some of my friends in details. They were all agreed with me. If people can be successfull in integrating technology into our education system, I strongly believe that much will change."

 

[Tarheel]

I would say:

And it helped me find out how flawed our education system is.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

I have explained my ideas to some of my friends in detail.

They all agreed with me.

I strongly believe that much will change for the better.

 

[Erbab]

Thank you very much for your help Tarheel. Is the rest of the text acceptable then?

 

[Tarheel]

I have a question. What does it mean to discover science?

Say:

a student's strong and weak areas.

Overall, it's pretty good.

 

[Erbab]

Actually, I tried to say that they can learn the science themselves by doing experiments via the virtual lab. In general, academics and teachers give lessons, and we learn what they taught. However, if we can create a virtual lab and bring it out to students, they can perform experiments freely and find out new things by themselves. That is why I said they can discover the science. However, I have realized that I should edit the sentence to make it clearer and simpler.

"So, a virtual laboratory which can be supported by virtual reality would enable students to learn science through empirical observation."

Thank you very much for your help.

 

[Tarheel]

Actually, I tried to say that they can learn the science themselves by doing experiments via the virtual lab. In general, academics and teachers give lessons, and we learn what they teach. However, if we can create a virtual lab and bring it out to students, they can perform experiments freely and find out new things by themselves. That is why I said they can discover the science. However, I have realized that I should edit the sentence to make it clearer and simpler.

"So, a virtual laboratory which can be supported by virtual reality would enable students to learn science through empirical observation."

Thank you very much for your help.

:up: