[Grammar] A short story in present tense

[bonkiteng]

Hi, I have always used past tense in stories, so I'd love to know if there're any mistakes in this present-tense story. Thank you in advance!

Topic: It's not Zack's Day

[FONT=&quot]Zack is going on a date with Lucy. When he finally arrives at the cafe’s gate, he suddenly realizes he left the water boiling! “Oh no!” He thinks, “If I keep the stove on, maybe the house will catch fire!” He wants to go back to turn off the gas, but he scares that his girlfriend will be angry at him being late for the date and break up with him. He is so nervous that he is biting his nails. A few minutes later, Zack decides to go back home first. He calls his girlfriend, “H-Hey Lucy, sorry, but can you wait for me a bit longer? I left the water boiling!” Lucy shouts, “What!? That is bad! Quickly go back to your home and turn off the stove!” At his fastest speed, Zack rushes back to his home, only to find out his house is already on fire, and the firefighters are trying to put it out. Although they succeed in the end, all Zack’s properties turn into ashes. Thankfully, none of his neighbors gets hurt. After this tragic incident, his girlfriend says, “Well, at least you are still alive and no one gets hurt!”[/FONT]

 

[tedmc]

Hi, I have always used the past tense in stories, so I'd love to know if there're any mistakes in this present-tense story. Thank you in advance!

Topic: It's not Zack's Day

Zack is going on a date with Lucy. When he finally arrives at the cafe’s gate, he suddenly realizes he left the water boiling (at home?)! “Oh no!” He thinks, “If I keep the stove on, maybe the house [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] would catch fire!” He wants to go back to turn off the gas, but he [STRIKE]scares[/STRIKE] is scared that his girlfriend will be angry at him being late for the date and break up with him. He is so nervous that he is biting his nails. A few minutes later, Zack decides to go back home first. He calls his girlfriend, “H-Hey Lucy, sorry, but can you wait for me a bit longer? I left the water boiling!” Lucy shouts, “What!? That is bad! Quickly go back [STRIKE]to your[/STRIKE] home and turn off the stove!” At his fastest speed, Zack rushes back to his home, only to find out his house is already on fire, and the firefighters are trying to put it out. Although they succeed in the end, all of Zack’s properties (how many properties are there?) turn into ashes. Thankfully, none of his neighbors gets hurt. After this tragic incident, his girlfriend says, “Well, at least you are still alive and no one gets hurt!”

See above.

 

[emsr2d2]

"If I leave the stove on, maybe the house will catch fire!" was correct.

You need "all his property" if you mean "all his belongings/everything he owns". "All his properties" means "all the houses he owns".

 

[bonkiteng]

Yes, I'll revise it as "all his property". I meant all his belongings, including his house.
Thank you for the useful clarifications.
Appreciate it!

 

[tedmc]

"If I leave the stove on, maybe the house will catch fire!" was correct.

The house will catch fire only if the fire from the stove goes out of control. It is possible that the fire does not spread.

 

[emsr2d2]

The house will catch fire only if the fire from the stove [STRIKE]goes[/STRIKE] gets out of control. It is possible that the fire [STRIKE]does not[/STRIKE] won't spread.

That doesn't mean that "would" can be used. It can be worded either "maybe the house will catch fire" or "the house might catch fire". Both of those express the possibility you mentioned.