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  1. Banned
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    #1

    When Mark entered

    Please fix my sentences.

    When Mark entered the auditorium, he immediately laid eyes on Anne. Her mellifluous voice, her graceful gait, and her angelic face overwhelmed him with electrifying emotions. At that very moment, Mark realized that she was the woman he had fervently been seeking and the one with whom he would spend the rest of his days.

  2. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #2

    Re: When Mark entered

    It's heavy on adjectives.

  3. Banned
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    #3

    Re: When Mark entered

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    It's heavy on adjectives.
    Is that frowned upon or the contrary? xD xD xD

  4. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #4

    Re: When Mark entered

    Go easy on adjectives and adverbs.

  5. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: When Mark entered

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain View Post
    xD xD xD
    What does that part mean?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: When Mark entered

    I wouldn't use laid eyes on. Instead, I would say saw.

    Do you have any context for that?
    Last edited by Tarheel; 22-May-2020 at 19:42.
    Not a professional teacher

  7. Banned
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    #7

    Re: When Mark entered

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    What does that part mean?
    They are just laughing faces.

  8. Banned
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    #8

    Re: When Mark entered

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    I wouldn't use laid eyes on. Instead, I would say saw.

    Do you have any context for that?
    Not really. Mark fell in love at first sight with Anne, who was giving a presentation in an auditorium.
    Last edited by Captain; 22-May-2020 at 22:04.

  9. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: When Mark entered

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain View Post
    They are just laughing faces.
    Please don't try to make your own emoticons on the forum. If you really need to use one, click on the icon in the toolbar and choose the appropriate one. Thanks.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: When Mark entered

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain View Post
    Mark fell in love at first sight with Anne, who was giving a presentation in an auditorium.
    That's much better than the original.
    Not a professional teacher

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