[General] Trailer Script

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carmenwong

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As I am creating the trailer for my novel, but I am not sure the grammar problem.

Is there anyone who can help me to check the grammar errors? Thank you very much!

==================

Since a month ago, her dream is connected with a vampire


On her first day of school, a very mysterious guy has entered her life

but she doesn’t know that he is...

Vampires, witches, werewolves

All supernatural are existing in the world

She wants to run away from those crazy things

However, she has no idea how special she is

Until she found out all the secrets

She realised that she cannot escape the destiny

Falling in love with a vampire makes her...

He pretended not to know her feelings for him

but in deep down, he has known she is so important to him

Dangerous make them feel restless,

but they still want to fight

For love, For peace, For hope

At the same time, they need to face up to their fears

Take the risk of dying in their life

In the end, what do they have to lose for fighting the darkness?

====================
 
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emsr2d2

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Re: Trailer copywriting

[STRIKE]As[/STRIKE] I am creating the [STRIKE]trailer[/STRIKE] blurb for my novel, but I am not sure if there are any grammar problems.

Is there anyone who can help me [STRIKE]to check the[/STRIKE] by checking it for grammar errors?

[STRIKE]Thank you very much![/STRIKE] Unnecessary. Thank us after we help you, by clicking on the "Thank" button.

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

Please note my corrections to the opening of your post above. With regard to the rest of it, is there a good reason that you have written each sentence/fragment on a separate line and failed to use a closing punctuation mark on any of them?
 

carmenwong

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Re: Trailer copywriting

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

Please note my corrections to the opening of your post above. With regard to the rest of it, is there a good reason that you have written each sentence/fragment on a separate line and failed to use a closing punctuation mark on any of them?

Thanks for your correction. As I will add those sentences to the video, but I am not planning to put punctuation. Thus, I didn't add full stop at the end of each sentence. Some sentences add comma and ellipsis just for easier understanding. I should explain this problem at the beginning on the post. Sorry for the inconvenience:-(
 

Tdol

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Re: Trailer copywriting

he is...


Vampires, witches, werewolves

He can't be plural. He can be a vampire, but not vampires. Also, is it possible to be all three?
 
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carmenwong

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Re: Trailer copywriting

He can't be plural. He can be a vampire, but not vampires. Also, is it possible to be all three?

Thank you for your question.
As I will add those sentences and a short film to the video, some sentences are not coherent.
After showing the sentence of "but she doesn't know that he is...", a film clip will show on the screen. Then, "Vampires, witches, werewolves" will be used for the next film clip. It's just like some short sentences on a film trailer.
 
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tedmc

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Since a month ago, her dream is connected with a vampire
For the past month, a vampire has been haunting her in her dreams.

On her first day of school, a very mysterious guy [STRIKE]has[/STRIKE] entered her life

but she doesn’t didn't know that he is...

Vampires, witches, werewolves
a supernatural being

All supernatural are existing in the world
The supernatural exists in the/this word.

She wants to run away from those crazy things

However, she has no idea how special she is

Until she found out all the secrets

She realised that she cannot escape the destiny

Falling in love with a vampire makes her...

He pretended not to know her feelings for him

but[STRIKE] in [/STRIKE]deep down, he [STRIKE]has known [/STRIKE] knows she is so important to him

The danger[STRIKE]ous [/STRIKE]makes them feel restless,

but they still want to fight on.

What is the idea of writing in short lines and not in a paragraph(s)?
You have jumbled up the tenses. How come?
 
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emsr2d2

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What is the idea of writing in short lines and not in a paragraph(s)?

To be fair to the OP, that question was answered in post #5. The trailer is going to be made up of short fragments of sentences, interspersed with video clips. I don't like the layout either, but I can see now why it was done this way.
 

carmenwong

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Since a month ago, her dream is connected with a vampire
For the past month, a vampire has been haunting her in her dreams.

On her first day of school, a very mysterious guy [STRIKE]has[/STRIKE] entered her life

but she doesn’t didn't know that he is...

Vampires, witches, werewolves
a supernatural being

All supernatural are existing in the world
The supernatural exists in the/this word.

She wants to run away from those crazy things

However, she has no idea how special she is

Until she found out all the secrets

She realised that she cannot escape the destiny

Falling in love with a vampire makes her...

He pretended not to know her feelings for him

but[STRIKE] in [/STRIKE]deep down, he [STRIKE]has known [/STRIKE] knows she is so important to him

The danger[STRIKE]ous [/STRIKE]makes them feel restless,

but they still want to fight on.

What is the idea of writing in short lines and not in a paragraph(s)?
You have jumbled up the tenses. How come?

Thank you very much!!!!
Actually, I am not sure whether use present tense or past tense, but thanks for pointing out the problems.
 
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