Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Trailer Script

  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: May 2020
    • Posts: 4
    #1

    Lightbulb Trailer Script

    As I am creating the trailer for my novel, but I am not sure the grammar problem.

    Is there anyone who can help me to check the grammar errors? Thank you very much!

    ==================

    Since a month ago, her dream is connected with a vampire


    On her first day of school, a very mysterious guy has entered her life

    but she doesn’t know that he is...

    Vampires, witches, werewolves

    All supernatural are existing in the world

    She wants to run away from those crazy things

    However, she has no idea how special she is

    Until she found out all the secrets

    She realised that she cannot escape the destiny

    Falling in love with a vampire makes her...

    He pretended not to know her feelings for him

    but in deep down, he has known she is so important to him

    Dangerous make them feel restless,

    but they still want to fight

    For love, For peace, For hope

    At the same time, they need to face up to their fears

    Take the risk of dying in their life

    In the end, what do they have to lose for fighting the darkness?

    ====================
    Last edited by carmenwong; 26-May-2020 at 10:14.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 57,533
    #2

    Re: Trailer copywriting

    Quote Originally Posted by carmenwong View Post
    As I am creating the trailer blurb for my novel, but I am not sure if there are any grammar problems.

    Is there anyone who can help me to check the by checking it for grammar errors?

    Thank you very much! Unnecessary. Thank us after we help you, by clicking on the "Thank" button.
    Welcome to the forum.

    Please note my corrections to the opening of your post above. With regard to the rest of it, is there a good reason that you have written each sentence/fragment on a separate line and failed to use a closing punctuation mark on any of them?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: May 2020
    • Posts: 4
    #3

    Re: Trailer copywriting

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Welcome to the forum.

    Please note my corrections to the opening of your post above. With regard to the rest of it, is there a good reason that you have written each sentence/fragment on a separate line and failed to use a closing punctuation mark on any of them?
    Thanks for your correction. As I will add those sentences to the video, but I am not planning to put punctuation. Thus, I didn't add full stop at the end of each sentence. Some sentences add comma and ellipsis just for easier understanding. I should explain this problem at the beginning on the post. Sorry for the inconvenience

  4. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 71,584
    #4

    Re: Trailer copywriting

    he is...


    Vampires, witches, werewolves
    He can't be plural. He can be a vampire, but not vampires. Also, is it possible to be all three?
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 26-May-2020 at 16:12. Reason: Fixed typo

  5. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: May 2020
    • Posts: 4
    #5

    Re: Trailer copywriting

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    He can't be plural. He can be a vampire, but not vampires. Also, is it possible to be all three?
    Thank you for your question.
    As I will add those sentences and a short film to the video, some sentences are not coherent.
    After showing the sentence of "but she doesn't know that he is...", a film clip will show on the screen. Then, "Vampires, witches, werewolves" will be used for the next film clip. It's just like some short sentences on a film trailer.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 26-May-2020 at 16:12. Reason: Fixed typo in quote

  6. VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 7,030
    #6

    Re: Trailer Script

    Since a month ago, her dream is connected with a vampire
    For the past month, a vampire has been haunting her in her dreams.

    On her first day of school, a very mysterious guy has entered her life

    but she doesn’t didn't know that he is...

    Vampires, witches, werewolves
    a supernatural being

    All supernatural are existing in the world
    The supernatural exists in the/this word.

    She wants to run away from those crazy things

    However, she has no idea how special she is

    Until she found out all the secrets

    She realised that she cannot escape the destiny

    Falling in love with a vampire makes her...

    He pretended not to know her feelings for him

    but in deep down, he has known knows she is so important to him

    The dangerous makes them feel restless,

    but they still want to fight on.

    What is the idea of writing in short lines and not in a paragraph(s)?
    You have jumbled up the tenses. How come?
    Last edited by probus; 29-May-2020 at 04:55. Reason: Fix typo
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  7. emsr2d2's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 57,533
    #7

    Re: Trailer Script

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    What is the idea of writing in short lines and not in a paragraph(s)?
    To be fair to the OP, that question was answered in post #5. The trailer is going to be made up of short fragments of sentences, interspersed with video clips. I don't like the layout either, but I can see now why it was done this way.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  8. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: May 2020
    • Posts: 4
    #8

    Re: Trailer Script

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Since a month ago, her dream is connected with a vampire
    For the past month, a vampire has been haunting her in her dreams.

    On her first day of school, a very mysterious guy has entered her life

    but she doesn’t didn't know that he is...

    Vampires, witches, werewolves
    a supernatural being

    All supernatural are existing in the world
    The supernatural exists in the/this word.

    She wants to run away from those crazy things

    However, she has no idea how special she is

    Until she found out all the secrets

    She realised that she cannot escape the destiny

    Falling in love with a vampire makes her...

    He pretended not to know her feelings for him

    but in deep down, he has known knows she is so important to him

    The dangerous makes them feel restless,

    but they still want to fight on.

    What is the idea of writing in short lines and not in a paragraph(s)?
    You have jumbled up the tenses. How come?
    Thank you very much!!!!
    Actually, I am not sure whether use present tense or past tense, but thanks for pointing out the problems.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •