hatimhussain
Member
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2006
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Urdu
- Home Country
- Pakistan
- Current Location
- Pakistan
I wrote this story to find out my mistakes in;
Please guide me.
1. The mourners started stepping towards the exit gate of the graveyard after attending the funeral services of someone named Jackson. Taking care the sanctity of the place, most of them walked silently. A few of them, lowering their voices, discussed the qualities Jackson possessed as a human being.
2. Jackson’s coworker spoke softly, “he was very cooperative and was always ready to help his associates.”
3. “He loved my careful driving and often gave me cash reward.”Jackson’s driver said in Jackson’s praise.
4. “He was such a thorough gentleman that he never reprimanded me even if I would take leave without his prior approval.” Jackson’s manservant put his share into the discussion.
5. Patrick, one of Jackson’s neighbors was very vocal in describing his character. “The deceased had many qualities but to me his patience at the time of disagreeable occasions was exceptional. His quality to control his anger was matchless. I always found him cool and composed. I think, if we adopt these qualities, we can make our society more viable. Disputes, tensions and hatred can easily be avoided if we follow the qualities of the deceased in our lives.” He finished. Mourners around him appreciated his views.
6. Conversing with one another the mourners reached the exit gate of the graveyard.
7. They almost crowded the gate since it being not wide enough for them to pass through it easily unless they did it one at a time.
8. In an attempt to go first, one of the mourners, unintentionally, struck Patrick with his shoulder. Without wasting time, Patrick grabbed his shirt’s collar and pushed him badly. He ceaselessly abused him. Some of them hurriedly moved forward to try to keep Patrick calm and made way for Patrick to go first, which he did with a casual gait.
9. They all had just heard him preaching about the importance of patience. One of the mourners witnessing this, whispered, “easier said than done” with a meaningful smile.
THE END
- The usage of tenses.
- The usage of vocabulary
- Orderliness
Please guide me.
1. The mourners started stepping towards the exit gate of the graveyard after attending the funeral services of someone named Jackson. Taking care the sanctity of the place, most of them walked silently. A few of them, lowering their voices, discussed the qualities Jackson possessed as a human being.
2. Jackson’s coworker spoke softly, “he was very cooperative and was always ready to help his associates.”
3. “He loved my careful driving and often gave me cash reward.”Jackson’s driver said in Jackson’s praise.
4. “He was such a thorough gentleman that he never reprimanded me even if I would take leave without his prior approval.” Jackson’s manservant put his share into the discussion.
5. Patrick, one of Jackson’s neighbors was very vocal in describing his character. “The deceased had many qualities but to me his patience at the time of disagreeable occasions was exceptional. His quality to control his anger was matchless. I always found him cool and composed. I think, if we adopt these qualities, we can make our society more viable. Disputes, tensions and hatred can easily be avoided if we follow the qualities of the deceased in our lives.” He finished. Mourners around him appreciated his views.
6. Conversing with one another the mourners reached the exit gate of the graveyard.
7. They almost crowded the gate since it being not wide enough for them to pass through it easily unless they did it one at a time.
8. In an attempt to go first, one of the mourners, unintentionally, struck Patrick with his shoulder. Without wasting time, Patrick grabbed his shirt’s collar and pushed him badly. He ceaselessly abused him. Some of them hurriedly moved forward to try to keep Patrick calm and made way for Patrick to go first, which he did with a casual gait.
9. They all had just heard him preaching about the importance of patience. One of the mourners witnessing this, whispered, “easier said than done” with a meaningful smile.
THE END