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  1. Key Member
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    #1

    This is an ideal place to relax (99 words)

    Hi.

    I wrote a short paragraph about my life in a mountain resort. Please feel free to make it sound natural. The other day my friend phoned me and asked me about my life here in a resort. He has never been here so he asked me to tell him something about it. I then wrote what I said to him down. We chatted with each other in English.

    This is an ideal place to spend some quality time. The air is undoubtedly clean and food is purely organic. My parents and I live in a two-storey house and we are surrounded by trees and woke up by birds chirppings. Our home is not far from the town center so we often attend the produce fair. Most of our neighbors who escape the summer heat here are also from downtown Chongqing, we get along quite merrily. The only smear that distorts this picturesque painting is that our house is damp in rainy seasons and things get moldy quickly.

    Produce fair: it's like a temple fair. Many farmers go there to sell their wholly organic vegetables, meat, etc.

    The last sentence is a metaphor I tried to use. I know it's awkard. I want to say that the only thing that makes this whole beautiful thing not beautiful is that our house is damp so things are easily to get moldy.

  2. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: This is an ideal place to relax (99 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverobama View Post
    Hi.

    I wrote a short paragraph about my life in a mountain resort. Please make changes to make it sound natural. The other day my friend phoned me and asked me about my life here in a resort. He has never been here, so he asked me to tell him something about it. I did, then wrote what I said to him down. We chatted with each other in English.

    Good. That's the best way to become fluent!


    This is an ideal place to spend some quality time. The air is undoubtedly clean, and the food is purely organic. My parents and I live in a two-storey house, and we are surrounded by trees and woken up [or awakened] by birds chirping. Our home is not far from the town center, so we often attend the produce fair. [We have farmers markets. Is that the same thing?] Most of our neighbors who escape the summer heat here are also from downtown Chongqing. We get along quite merrily. The only smear that distorts this picturesque painting is that our house is damp in rainy seasons and things get moldy quickly.

    Produce fair: it's like a temple fair. Many farmers go there to sell their wholly organic vegetables, meat, etc.

    Aha. Yes, it sounds like a farmers market. (Also spelled farmer's and farmers'.)


    The last sentence is a metaphor I tried to use. I know it's awkard.

    It's not bad. I can think of some cliches, but I don't like teaching people to use cliches.

    I want to say that the only thing that makes this whole beautiful thing not beautiful is that our house is damp, so things get moldy easily.
    There you go!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: This is an ideal place to relax (99 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverobama View Post
    I then wrote what I said to him down.
    There are too many words between "wrote" and "down" to make that sentence natural. Use "I then wrote down what I said [to him]".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: This is an ideal place to relax (99 words)

    - "a resort", then (subsequently) "the resort"
    - I would use "well" instead of "merrily" in that.
    - Say, e.g. "the only blemish that mars this (picturesque) idyll".
    - "damp in the rainy season"
    - I agree with Charlie that "farmers market" is better.

  5. VIP Member
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    #5

    Re: This is an ideal place to relax (99 words)

    I think the imperfection of the idyllic setting is not just your house and things being damp but lies in the fact that the air gets moist/humid in the rainy season.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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