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  1. Junior Member
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    #1

    Has not been ... but also that it could not have been

    Hello.
    I am writing an academic article. I find the sentence in bold below a bit heavy.
    The wealth produced by the capitalist system, which has so much enhanced people's standard of life, blinds us to the basic inequality of the economic relationship between capital and labor. Marxists argue not only that capitalism has not been created, but also that it could not have been created, without this economic inequality.
    Do you agree with me?
    If yes, would you have suggestions to make it less heavy and more elegant?
    Do you think "not only that capitalism has not been, but also that it could not have been, created without ..." would be a good formulation? But maybe a better formulation can be found?

    Thank you for your answers.

  2. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Has not been ... but also that it could not have been

    Quote Originally Posted by Habituellement View Post
    Hello.
    I am writing an academic article. I find the sentence in bold below a bit heavy.

    The wealth produced by the capitalist system, which has so much enhanced some people's standard of living, blinds us to the basic inequality of the economic relationship between capital and labor. Marxists argue not only that capitalism has not been created, but also that it could not have been created, without this economic inequality.

    Do you agree with me?
    If yes, would you have suggestions to make it less heavy and more elegant?
    Do you think "not only that capitalism has not been, but also that it could not have been, created without ..." would be a good formulation? But maybe a better formulation can be found?

    Thank you for your answers.
    Either version is fine for a strictly academic tract. Elsewhere, it would seem ponderous and might read better broken into more sentences.

    It seems like your committing yourself to a chicken-and-egg argument. Others say that capitalism created inequality. But you're saying inequality created capitalism.

    But if your article supports your thesis, go for it!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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