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  1. #1
    Dutch Van der is offline Banned
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    Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    Have I made any mistakes?

    Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream. An exclusive location brimming with wide roads, golden maple trees, and verdant lawns. The majority of residents are white-collar professionals ranging from university researchers to government officials. Among these accomplished inhabitants, drug smuggler Pedro Picar, who adopted a fake identity as an illustrious professor, orchestrates and oversees all the cocaine distribution on the West Coast from his innocuous home. Be that as it may, several anonymous reports about armored vehicles circulating his property with cargo boxes have been submitted to the local newspaper. Although this has raised suspicion in the neighborhood, the police have opted to keep their distance from the area, as it has been deemed righteous by the municipal council.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    I would delete "brimming" from the second sentence and "ranging" from the third sentence.
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  3. #3
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    For the fourth sentence, try:

    One of the residents, ....

    If was going to adopt a fake identity it wouldn't be an illustrious one.
    Last edited by Tarheel; 09-Aug-2020 at 22:36.
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  4. #4
    Dutch Van der is offline Banned
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    Thanks for your comments, buddy.
    Do you suggest deleting 'brimming' and 'ranging' because I misused them? Or because they're unnecessary?
    In the fourth sentence, do you suggest swapping "Among these accomplished inhabitants" for "One of the residents"?

    Off-topic questions.
    'If was going to adopt a fake identity it wouldn't be an illustrious one.' What would it be?
    Would it be grammatically correct if I word the first clause of your sentence as 'If I were to adpot'?


  5. #5
    Dutch Van der is offline Banned
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    By 'righteous' I meant 'in good standing'.
    Cargo boxes are those enclosures that are generally mounted on the roof of vehicles to carry cargo.
    An ordinary home that doesn't draw attention. Would 'unassuming' or 'modest' be more accurate word choices?

  6. #6
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dutch Van der View Post
    By 'righteous' I meant 'in good standing'.
    Cargo boxes are those enclosures that are generally mounted on the roof of vehicles to carry cargo.
    An ordinary home that doesn't draw attention. Would 'unassuming' or 'modest' be more accurate word choices?
    That's not what "righteous" means. The shippers should go inside, not on tbe roof. Yes, "ordinary", "unassuming", and "modest" are all better choices.
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  7. #7
    Dutch Van der is offline Banned
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    I looked "righteous" up. Is it used exclusively in religious contexts?
    Isn't this what you call a cargo box?
    Click image for larger version. 

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  8. #8
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dutch Van der View Post
    Thanks for your comments, Tarheel.
    Do you suggest deleting 'brimming' and 'ranging' because I misused them? Or because they're unnecessary?

    They are totally unnecessary.

    In the fourth sentence, do you suggest swapping "Among these accomplished inhabitants" for "One of the residents"?

    Yes.

    Off-topic questions.
    'If was going to adopt a fake identity it wouldn't be an illustrious one.' What would it be?

    I don't know. But it would be somebody who doesn't stand out.


    Would it be grammatically correct if I word the first clause of your sentence as 'If I were to adpot'?

    Yes. I think that is correct


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  9. #9
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dutch Van der View Post
    Thanks for your comments, buddy.


    I've told you before to use a responder's username.

  10. #10
    Dutch Van der is offline Banned
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    Re: Kingswood is, at first glance, an enchanting suburban dream.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rover_KE View Post
    I've told you before to use a responder's username.
    Nope. You told me to address Probus by his username.
    Last edited by Dutch Van der; 10-Aug-2020 at 13:25.

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