Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. Senior Member
    Other
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • Poland

    • Join Date: Apr 2019
    • Posts: 1,123
    #1

    A humble host with a volatile twist

    Hello, this is my second stab at writing this short passage. I've decided to tune down my scientificity to minimum, and focus on story-telling.

    Could you help me find any mistakes I might have made, or give me some advice on how to improve my writing in general?
    Stars can live two very different lives. Some live to a ripe old age, slowly burning like an ember over trillions of years. However, their longevity is paid for with irrelevance; you've never seen any. Others live the flashy life of a rock star until they eventually overdose on nuclear fusion and die at a young age. Virtually every star you've seen in the night sky is one of them.


    Our own sun is the former, one of many stars that will live a peaceful life, undisrupted, unnoticed, quietly hosting the only form of life we know of in the universe, for now. Sun's life will have a volatile twist when its midlife crisis kicks in, when it will kill everything in the solar system.


    The ultimate apocalypse will begin when the Sun has accumulated enough helium in its core to start fusing it, in some 5 billion years. Currently, it fuses hydrogen into helium, a process that can’t progress any further yet. When it happens, the Sun’s energy output will skyrocket, bloating out its outer shell enough to engulf Earth’s orbit.


    Nonetheless, Earth will have been rendered uninhabitable long before it happens. The Sun’s energy output increases the longer it lives. At some point, the temperature on Earth will reach the boiling point of water, which will evaporate Earth’s oceans, and obscure the sky with eternal darkness of dense clouds. We’d better find a new sun.
    Last edited by Glizdka; 10-Aug-2020 at 22:07.

  2. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 70,998
    #2

    Re: A humble host with a volatile twist

    I'm not sure that embers last that long.

  3. Senior Member
    Other
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • Poland

    • Join Date: Apr 2019
    • Posts: 1,123
    #3

    Re: A humble host with a volatile twist

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    I'm not sure that embers last that long.
    Does that comment mean my original sentence can be understood as likening how long they burn to how long embers burn?

    Which, if any, would be better?

    A) "...slowly burning like an ember over trillions of years..."
    B) "...slowly burning like an ember, over trillions of years..."
    C) "...slowly burning over trillions of years like an ember..."
    D) "...slowly burning over trillions of years, like an ember..."

  4. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 70,998
    #4

    Re: A humble host with a volatile twist

    I just don't think that the life of a star compares well to a dying fire.

  5. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 70,998
    #5

    Re: A humble host with a volatile twist

    PS Others may disagree with me.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •