Can you please give feed back on my SOP for MS CS?

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rajeshpc1

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Sheerly in awe of the countless applications that computers have had in my life, I set my long-term goal as, achieving erudition in the field of computer science. My next step towards achieving that goal is pursuing a Master’s in Computational Data Science degree at CMU. This ‘awe’ led me to pursue a Bachelor’s degree in computer science, with two short-term goals, #1 graduating with a good GPA and #2 working at a Fortune50 firm before or by graduation, at one of the best institutes for technological education in India, Vl Institute of Technology (VIT).

Through the 1[SUP]st[/SUP] year, to get a taste of all the domains of CS, I took courses in web development, operating systems and database systems, and simultaneously working on projects (JavaScript Quiz Game, Implementing Scheduling Algorithms in Python, and Library Management System) to get a hands-on experience. I was awarded merit scholarship for exhibiting exemplary academic performance.

End of the 1[SUP]st[/SUP] year, I interned at Acumen Technologies Pvt Ltd as a Web development intern. This being my very first experience in the corporate world, taught me the importance of being communicative, vocal and having a leadership drive in order to be recognised, along with varied web-dev technologies (React.js, Angular, Node.js, MongoDB, PHP, MySQL). Upon having numerous conversations with my associates in the ML team, I discovered my true passion for Machine Learning and Data Science.

Consequently, during the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] & 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] years, I opted for ML and Data Science affiliated courses offered in VIT’s curriculum. Compounding my knowledge, also increased my appetite for being involved in quality projects. Contacting and expounding the same to Prof. Arch T, she helped me finalize the topic as comparative study of various predictive algorithms on Titanic dataset, and aided me in the research. With professor’s constant help and constructive criticism on optimizing the models, the results were beyond efficacious. Ergo, was published as a research paper titled ‘Prediction of Survivors in the Titanic Cruise’ in a Scopus indexed international journal.

The summer of the 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] year, I interned in the data science department at Heptagon Technologies Private Limited. Working on Sentiment Analysis with the award-winning data science team, concreted my basics of data wrangling, visualizations and drawing useful insights from data. Exposed to the latest technologies (Tensorflow and Keras) here, increased my drive to pursue ML and Data Science.

End of this summer, I was selected as one among few to participate in the global hackathon ‘CFG 2019’ (Solution to mundane problem faced by an NGO with latest technology), conducted by JP Morgan Chase & Co. Finishing as one of the four finalists, not only got me recognition in a hall full of distinguished technologists, but also provoked me to contact the NGO personally, further coordinate with them and deploy a tech solution that costs zero to develop, maintain & use.

Entering 4[SUP]th[/SUP] year, I had the vigour to publish another quality research paper. Teaming up with two of my peers, we decided to work on a comments based Youtube video ranking system. Collaborating with Prof. Selva K, and after putting in substantial effort to devise a model that includes the entire comments section (even emojis) of a video, the results were to our fruition. Upon demonstration to a distinguished panel of professors from ML & NLP departments, this project was unanimously elected to be published as a research paper. With professor’s help through the paper writing process, it was published as ‘Youtube Video Ranking: An NLP based system’ in a Scopus indexed international journal.

Finishing my Bachelor’s course work by 7th semester with an excellent GPA (thus achieving my short-term goal #1) and bagging an opportunity to work at JP Morgan Chase & Co as Software Development intern, I pursued a 6 months long internship. Working on projects from 2 domains (ML & Big Data), I not only got to the nuances of ML technologies (Numpy, Pandas, Scikit Learn, Scipy, Matplotlib, Seaborn, ggplot, Deep Learning) but also learnt technologies like Hadoop, Apache Spark, Scala & HiveQL. Recognised as one of the top 6 performers among the Asia-Pacific interns, I was offered a full-time role (thus, achieving my short-term goal #2).

Being an individual with an urge to help people, I have deployed a progressive web application with visualizations, statistics and insights pertaining to my research on the Covid19 data publicly available from John Hopkins University and Ministry of Human Resource Department India. The ML model-built to produce visualizations, statistics and insights updates incrementally every time the data sources refresh.

The dovetailing of my interests and the curriculum of MCDS-Analytics track at CMU, has exhorted me to apply to this program. My certainty in applying to CMU owes itself to an admiration for the world-class research facilities, and for the top-notch faculties being approachable, in-spite of either conducting seminal researches or inventing a new field themselves. Having followed Prof. XYZ’s intriguing research work in *ABCD* for some time, I would be honoured to collaborate with and aide him in his ongoing research. Presently working in the domains of ML and Big Data, have given me the strong foundational skills and the punch, imperative to complete this program with flying colours.

I wish to achieve two things by graduation, #1 good GPA and #2 job at a fortune10 company, employing the skills I have gained taking courses such as Machine Learning with Big Data Sets, Deep Reinforcement Learning & Control and Advanced Multimedia Machine Learning offered in the MCDS curriculum at CMU. At the same time, maintain cordial relationships with my professors and peers at CMU, and aide them with any ongoing research work aligned with my interests. Being hard-working, innovative, individual, creative, and ambitious, I am sure of fitting into the system of CMU seamlessly and perfectly
 

teechar

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Hi there.
What's the application deadline?
 

Tarheel

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I wouldn't use Sheerly in awe. Also, I would probably use expertise instead of erudition.
 

tedmc

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I wouldn't use Sheerly in awe. Also, I would probably use expertise instead of erudition.

How about:

Awed by the countless applications that computers have impacted my life, I have set my long-term goal of achieving competency in the field of computer science?
 

Tarheel

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How about:


impressed by the countless ways that computers have impacted my life, I have set my long-term goal of achieving competency in the field of computer science.

Now I like it.

I don't know if the OP will read this, but there are quite a few SOPs in this section already. They are there (along with the comments) for anybody to look at.

The people who look at these things see quite a few of them. The longer you make it the less chance there is that anybody is going to read the whole thing. (My opinion.)

One more thing. If you offer to pay me to proofread it for you that will pique my interest. (I don't know how we would do that.)

One more thing. If you look at something and what comes to you is that it's too d**n long, expect other people to have the same reaction.
 
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