the darkness that envelops

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alpacinou

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Hello.

In my story, an old person is at the hospital. She is talking about death and the fear of it. Can I use "darkness" and "envelop" in this context?

What do you think about this sentence?

She was lying in bed fighting for her life. She held her daughter's hand. "What happens after life ends? What happens after the inevitable darkness envelops life and life can't do anything about it?"
 

Raymott

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Yes, that makes sense.

PS: Although, the darkness does more than envelop life. It extinguishes it. If it only envelops life, the life still exists.
 

alpacinou

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Yes, that makes sense.

PS: Although, the darkness does more than envelop life. It extinguishes it. If it only envelops life, the life still exists.

So you think this doesn't work?

She was lying in bed fighting for her life. She held her daughter's hand. "What happens after life ends? What happens after the inevitable darkness envelops life and life can't do anything about it?"

And if I change the verb?


She was lying in bed fighting for her life. She held her daughter's hand. "What happens after life ends? What happens after the inevitable darkness extinguishes life and life can't do anything about it?"
 

Raymott

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Well, it depends on what you want to say.
If you want life to continue to exist enveloped in darkness, use the first. If you want life to be extinguished, use the second.
Of course, you could write, "darkness envelops life and extinguishes it".
 

alpacinou

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Since she is talking about death I'll go with this:

She was lying in bed fighting for her life. She held her daughter's hand. "What happens after life ends? What happens after the inevitable darkness envelops and extinguishes life and life can't do anything about it?"

Could you please tell me if this is a good sentence? Is there a better way of expressing the idea?
 

Raymott

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Sure, that's fine.
 

Rover_KE

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I've moved your thread.

Please post threads asking for our comments on your writing (and ways to improve it) here in the Editing & Writing Topics forum.
 

tedmc

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She was lying in bed fighting for her life. She held her daughter's hand and said, "What happens after life ends? What happens after the inevitable darkness envelops and extinguishes life and life can't do anything about it?"

I think it is not the darkness that extinguishes life. It is the other way around - one's life ends and is plunged into a world of darkness. (to go with the flow of your story)
 
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