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  1. Key Member
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    #1

    When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Hi.

    I was trying to narattive something happened to me when I was young, which was quite impressive.

    When I was young, I often met a couple who lived in the same building complex as me. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed by what they were doing because I like English very much. I swore to myself, I would speak English like them one day.
    Would you please rewrite my narrative to make it natural and like a story which I could use to share others with one day?

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverobama View Post
    Hi.

    I was trying to narrate something that happened to me when I was young, which was quite impressive.



    Would you please rewrite my narrative to make it natural and like a story which I could use to share with others one day?
    I don't see it.
    Last edited by Tarheel; 12-Sep-2020 at 08:29.
    Not a professional teacher

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Perhaps:

    When I was young I often saw a couple that lived in the same apartment complex I did. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed with that because I like English very much. I swore to myself that I would speak English like them one day.
    Not a professional teacher

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    I would use "I vowed" instead of "I swore to myself". Were they native English speakers?

  5. Key Member
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    #5

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    I would use "I vowed" instead of "I swore to myself". Were they native English speakers?
    It's very kind of you, teechar.

    They are not native speakers but Chinese. That's why I was impressed by them. I wonder if I need change the rest of my sentences.

    When I was young, I often met a couple who lived in the same building complex as me. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed by what they were doing because I like English very much. I vowed, I would speak English like them one day.
    Or your suggestion is based on the version of Tarheel, which is a good one?
    When I was young I often saw a couple that lived in the same apartment complex I did. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed with that because I like English very much. I vowed that I would speak English like them one day.

  6. teechar's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Take out "by what they were doing" from the first, and consider using "local couple" to clarify the meaning. The second is okay, but I would use "who" instead of "that" in it.

  7. Key Member
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    #7

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Take out "by what they were doing" from the first, and consider using "local couple" to clarify the meaning.
    When I was young, I often met a couple who lived in the same building complex as me. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed by the local couple because I like English very much. I vowed, I would speak English like them one day.
    Is this better?

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