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    #1

    A Puppy, Maybe Two

    I started to write this fiction a few days ago, and just now I finished it. I know it is lengthy for Editing & Writing section, so if someone can just point out a few mistakes, I will appreciate. Roman was not built in a day, and I don't expect my Roman of writing improves by leaps and bounds either.



    In the morning, Yoyo went out to buy streamed buns for breakfast. It was drizzling. On his way back, he saw a white puppy standing under a shrub idly on the grassland of the roadside. It looked dirty and wet. Obviously it was homeless.

    Yoyo sighed in the heart 'What a poor soul! Are you hungry?' He tore up a piece of bun, and threw at it, hoping it would eat.

    The puppy just cast a glance at the bun, and then kept staring at him. They just looked at each other in the dark eyes of each other, and there's just silence between them. Yoyo felt they were somehow in the same boat in this city, except he had a roof over his head, but he couldn't call that a home. The busy neon lights did not ever belong to him. How many times he was standing alone and lonely in the street like it without knowing where he was going to. He felt his eyes became a bit wet, probably it was the rain drops...

    He couldn't do more for it, and was leaving. Walking for a little while, he was still thinking of it, and wondering what it was doing then. To his surprise, he turned around and saw the puppy quietly following him neither too far nor too close. When he stopped, so did the puppy, and they just looked at each other in the eyes deeply again. When he was walking, the puppy kept following.

    Yoyo was a little nervous it might assault him, but he more clearly realized what the puppy all wanted was his adoption. That was a tall order for him. Yoyo quickened his steps. When he reached his neighborhood, he quickly closed the gate. He dared not look out for the puppy that was blocked outside, but sighing 'Sorry' in his heart again and again...
    Last edited by tree123; 15-Sep-2020 at 12:58.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: A Puppy, Maybe Two

    I'll start.

    I'm pretty sure Yoyo didn't buy streamed buns.

    (The phrase is "Rome was not built in a day", not "Roman".)
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #3

    Re: A Puppy, Maybe Two

    Quote Originally Posted by tree123 View Post
    I started to write this fiction a few days ago, and just now I finished it. I know it is lengthy for Editing & Writing section, so if someone can just point out a few mistakes, I will appreciate. Roman was not built in a day, and I don't expect my Roman of writing improves by leaps and bounds either.



    In the morning, Yoyo went out to buy streamed steamed buns for breakfast. It was drizzling. On his way back, he saw a white puppy standing idly under a shrub idly on the grassland of lawn at the roadside. It looked dirty and wet. Obviously it was homeless.

    Yoyo sighed in the heart and thought, 'What a poor soul! Are you hungry?' He tore up a piece of bun, and threw at it, hoping it would eat it.

    The puppy just cast a glance at the bun, and then kept staring at him. They just looked gazed at each other in the dark eyes of each other, and there's just silence between them. Yoyo felt they were somehow in the same boat in this city, except he had a roof over his head, but he couldn't call that a home. The busy neon lights did not ever belong to him (what do you mean?). How many times he was standing had he stood alone and felt lonely in the street like it that without knowing where he was going to. He felt his eyes became a bit wet (welled up), probably but it was probably the raindrops...

    He couldn't do more for it the puppy, and was leaving. Walking for a little while As he started to walk away, he was still thinking of it, and wondering what it was doing then. To his surprise, he turned around and saw the puppy quietly following him neither too far nor too close at a short distance. When he stopped, so did the puppy, and they just looked at each other in the eyes deeply again. But when he was resumed walking, the puppy kept following.

    Yoyo was a little nervous that it might assault him, but he more clearly came to realized what all the puppy all wanted was his adoption to be adopted. That was a tall order for him. Yoyo quickened his steps. When he reached his neighborhood, he quickly closed the gate. He dared not look out for the puppy that was blocked waiting outside, but sighing couldn't help saying 'Sorry' in his heart again and again...
    I don't think you can say "sighing in his heart". Sighing is audible and does not come from the heart.
    Last edited by tedmc; 16-Sep-2020 at 10:16.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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    #4

    Re: A Puppy, Maybe Two

    The busy neon lights did not ever belong to him (what do you mean?).
    I mean Yoyo was a virtually stranger in the busy city though he lived in there.

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    #5

    Re: A Puppy, Maybe Two

    Quote Originally Posted by tree123 View Post
    I mean Yoyo was a virtually a stranger in the busy city though he lived in there.
    In that case you can say "he did not belong to where the neon lights are".
    Last edited by tedmc; 16-Sep-2020 at 11:41.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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    #6

    Re: A Puppy, Maybe Two

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I'll start.

    I'm pretty sure Yoyo didn't buy streamed buns.
    I'm pretty sure they did. I used to enjoy steamed buns when I lived in China.
    Typoman - writer of rongs

  7. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: A Puppy, Maybe Two

    Quote Originally Posted by Piscean View Post
    I'm pretty sure they did. I used to enjoy steamed buns when I lived in China.
    Are you sure you ate streamed buns as well, though?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #8

    Re: A Puppy, Maybe Two

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Are you sure you ate streamed buns as well, though?
    There is no such thing as streamed bun in Chinese cuisine.

    There are two types of steamed buns which are pretty much a staple of the Chinese. There is Mantou, popular in Northern China, which is a plain, steamed bun without filling. In Southern China and Hong Kong, there is Baozi or Bao, which is a steamed bun filled with either meat or vegetable. It is a common item (among a host of others) for Yumcha or Dim Sum breakfast in Chinese restaurants in Western countries.
    Last edited by tedmc; 18-Sep-2020 at 07:57.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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    #9

    Re: A Puppy, Maybe Two

    Some would recommend four dots at the end- ellipsis + period/full stop for the end of a sentence.

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