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  1. Key Member
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    #1

    the tank slowly trundled

    Hello.

    Can I use the verb "trundle" to talk about a tank? Or is it just used for something which has "wheels"?

    What about "screech"?

    What do you think about this?

    The massive tank slowly trundled through the small village, making a screech that disturbed the entire village.

    Also, what can I add to disturb to intensify it a bit?

  2. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    It's good.

    Instead of disturbed, you might use:

    - woke up
    - awakened
    - alarmed
    - annoyed
    - dismayed
    - galvanized
    - alerted
    - terrified
    - perplexed
    - confounded
    - agitated
    - peeved

    And I'd only use village once.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. Key Member
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    #3

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    It's good.

    Instead of disturbed, you might use:

    - woke up
    - awakened
    - alarmed
    - annoyed
    - dismayed
    - galvanized
    - alerted
    - terrified
    - perplexed
    - confounded
    - agitated
    - peeved

    And I'd only use village once.
    I checked the thesaurus but couldn't find a synonym for village. Things like rural area and countryside obviously don't work here.

    The massive tank slowly trundled through the only street there, making a screech that disturbed the entire sleepy village.

  4. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    Of course, you could just substitute something like town or hamlet or settlement.

    But you don't have to.

    There's a poker game called Seven Card Roll 'Em. Each player's cards are all face-down. You arrange your seven, as a friend of mine says, "for maximum entertainment value."

    Then, in turn, each player turns one card face-up. The play goes around and around the table until a winning hand is revealed.

    Writing is like that. You don't show all your cards at once. You roll them over one at a time until the story is revealed. It's obvious in movie-making, right? One shot follows another follows another, and you experience the story one shot at a time.

    But it's important in any writing. So what if you just said something like:


    - The massive tank slowly trundled down the narrow street, making a screech that disturbed the entire village.

    - The massive tank slowly trundled through the town square, making a screech that disturbed the entire village.

    - The massive tank slowly trundled out of the wheat field and onto the main road, making a screech that disturbed the entire village.


    Or you could do something at the other end:


    - The massive tank slowly trundled through the small village, making a screech that could be heard for miles.

    - The massive tank slowly trundled through the small village, making a screech that aroused the citizens.


    The point is, you you don't have to show every card in every sentence — which is good, because you can't.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    I didn't know tanks made screeching sounds.
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  6. Key Member
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    #6

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    I didn't know tanks made screeching sounds.

    How would you describe the annoying sound that the movement of tanks make? What words would you use?

  7. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    How would you describe the annoying sound that the movement of tanks make? What words would you use?
    Ker-BLAM!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    How would you describe the annoying sound that the movement of tanks makes? What words would you use?
    Well, I saw Patton. It was awhile back tho. And I didn't get that close to the tanks.
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    #9

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    Rumbling sound?
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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    #10

    Re: the tank slowly trundled

    It might be "Ker-Blam" when they fire. The OP is talking, I believe, about the horrible scraping/screeching sound the tank's caterpillar tracks make against concrete/tarmac as they move along a paved street.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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