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  1. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #11

    Re: the novelty of their marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Yes. It was a slip. I fixed it in post #8.

    What about the rest of it?

    How would you write it Charlie?
    It look to me like you're on the right track.

    Your vocabulary is strong. Keep building it. The more you build it, the more ways you'll have to tell a story.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  2. Key Member
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    #12

    Re: the novelty of their marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    It look to me like you're on the right track.

    Your vocabulary is strong. Keep building it. The more you build it, the more ways you'll have to tell a story.
    Thanks Charlie.

    Just so I'm clear, you wouldn't change anything here?

    "I have given this a lot of thought George." He looked at her with apprehension. "I marry you. Then the thrill of our relationship would fade after six months. The novelty would pale and I wouldn't feel a spark of excitement when I hear your voice. After a few years, we drift apart and the next thing you know, we lawyer up to get a divorce. So, my answer is no. Let's not get married." George was speechless.

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #13

    Re: the novelty of their marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Thanks, Charlie.

    Just so I'm clear, wouldn't you wouldn't change anything here?

    "I have given this a lot of thought, George." He looked at her with apprehension. "I marry you. Then the thrill of our relationship would fade fades after six months. The novelty would pale wears off and I wouldn't no longer feel a spark of excitement when I hear your voice. After a few years, we drift apart and the next thing you know, we lawyer up to get a divorce. So, my answer is no. Let's not get married." George was speechless.
    See above for the changes I would make. Having started with the present tense for "I marry you", I would continue in the present tense.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. Key Member
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    #14

    Re: the novelty of their marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    See above for the changes I would make. Having started with the present tense for "I marry you", I would continue in the present tense.

    You are great to have here.

  5. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #15

    Re: the novelty of their marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    . . . Having started with the present tense for "I marry you", I would continue in the present tense.
    Yup! You beat me to it!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #16

    Re: the novelty of their marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    Yup! You beat me to it!
    Yes, but only by one day, one hour and 59 minutes!
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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