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  1. #1
    Yueehs is offline Newbie
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    Need help with job pitch

    Hi,

    I am applying for a job and there is a column where I need to put my job pitch. Would you be able to help me check if it's grammatically correct?

    Here is my job pitch:

    Throughout my 8 years of experience working with various department and over 10 years of supervising role, I know what it takes to become a good HR administrator. My experience in overseeing maintenance department proven that I am capable of managing difficult tasks even without prior experience.



    Thank you very much :)

  2. #2
    Yueehs is offline Newbie
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    Need help with job pitch

    Hi,

    I am applying for a job and there is a column where I need to put my job pitch in 300 characters. Would you be able to help me check if it's grammatically correct?

    Here is my job pitch:

    Throughout my 8 years of experience working with various department and over 10 years of supervising role, I know what it takes to become a good HR administrator. My experience in overseeing maintenance department proven that I am capable of managing difficult tasks even without prior experience.



    Thank you very much :)

  3. #3
    Glizdka is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Need help with job pitch

    Not a teacher
    ------


    Here's my opinion:

    Quote Originally Posted by Yueehs View Post
    Throughout my 8 years of experience working with various departments and over 10 years of supervising role as a supervisor, I know have learned what it takes to become a good HR administrator.
    I think it reads better this way.



    Quote Originally Posted by Yueehs View Post
    My experience in overseeing maintenance department proven that I am capable of managing difficult tasks even without prior experience.
    This part doesn't make sense. How does your experience prove that you're capable of managing tasks without prior experience?


    Perhaps: "Over the years overseeing the maintenance department, I have proved that I am capable of managing difficult tasks even without prior experience."
    Last edited by Glizdka; 29-Nov-2020 at 11:25.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Need help with job pitch

    Yueehs, don't try to put too much into one sentence. And please don't use the phrase prior experience. (It just means experience.)
    Not a professional teacher

  5. #5
    Yueehs is offline Newbie
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    Re: Need help with job pitch

    Thank you all :)
    really appreciate it

  6. #6
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Need help with job pitch

    Perhaps:

    Experience has shown that I am capable of taking on new tasks.
    Not a professional teacher

  7. #7
    Piscean is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Need help with job pitch

    Last edited by Piscean; 29-Nov-2020 at 16:13.
    Typoman - writer of rongs

  8. #8
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Need help with job pitch

    Quote Originally Posted by Yueehs View Post
    Hi,

    I am applying for a job, and there is a column where I need to put my job pitch. Would you be able to help me check if it's grammatically correct?

    Here is my job pitch:

    Throughout my eight years of experience working with various departments and over ten years of supervising role,

    I know what it takes to be a good HR administrator. My experience in overseeing a maintenance department demonstrates my ability to manage new and difficult tasks even without prior experience.



    Thank you very much. :)
    If I were reading your application, I would wonder: If you only worked in various departments for eight years, how can you have ten years of supervisory experience?
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  9. #9
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: Need help with job pitch

    Yueehs, please do not post the same question to more than one section of the forum. Please be patient and wait for replies.
    Last edited by teechar; 29-Nov-2020 at 16:23. Reason: edit

  10. #10
    Piscean is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Need help with job pitch

    That one was posted twice at UE.
    Typoman - writer of rongs

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