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  1. #1
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    Kindly help me to review Motivation letter for MSc

    Dear Sir,

    I am delighted to apply for the MasterÂ’s degree in Management and Leadership in your award-winning institution. My admission into this program will be a catalyst to my professional development and fulfillment of my career. I am also keen to explore, learn, and share innovative ways of leading and managing sustainable global businesses.
    The major problem that African countries are battling with is not lack of resources but lack of quality leadership and effective management of these resources. According to the United Nations, “Africa is home to 30 percent of the world’s mineral reserves. African also has the largest population of young people who are capable to drive sustainable economic growth but this set of people has been incapacitated, under-utilized and are wallowing in poverty. Despite being so richly endowed by nature, the African continent remains one of the poorest continents on the globe, with almost fifty percent of the population living on less than $1.25 per day. This is largely due to a lack of quality and visionary leader who will effectively and judiciously develop and manage these natural resources for equitable and sustainable development. This problem cut across political organizations, public corporations as well as privately owned business organizations.
    There is an urgent need to address this deficiency in order for the continent to reap the economic and social benefits inherent in these human and natural wealth.
    My curious nature endears me to study Business Administration and Management at the undergraduate level which has provided me with a solid foundation in every area of Business and Resources Management and has further helped me in appreciating the mechanism of leadership and management. Through passion, confidence, and a strong desire to excel made me to graduate with Second Class, Upper Division, and ranked me among the best 10 graduating students in my department.
    My undergraduate program including my undergraduate research work prepared me for tasks and roles in management and leadership. I volunteered at different levels and undertook various leadership positions during my undergraduate program. My excellent performance in my undergraduate courses will serve as a solid foundation for this program to build upon. These courses include: Comparative Management, Organizational Behaviour, Production Management, Management of Multi-National Corporations, Business Policy and Strategy among others
    My decision to apply for this Master's degree in Management is borne out of my desire to be a global leader/manager with in-depth knowledge. This will enable me to deal with complex processes and structures in a constantly changing business environment. I believe very strongly that I can be a major change agent in Nigeria, and the world at large raising a set of new leaders who are visionary, selfless, and willing to deliver sustainable development.
    This program will be taught seasoned professors, renowned researchers, and global thought leaders across industries. Additionally, the modules would bestow me with soft skills, managerial, and leadership competencies, enhancing my decision-making strategies.
    As a highly organized and efficient professional with a variety of leadership experience, exceptional interpersonal abilities, and excellent communication skills. I believe I possessed the potential to excel in this program if considered.

    My great networking and adaptation skills which have helped in the past during mandatory Service to my country would be a great enabler to settle in Hungary properly. I am very excited about internalizing new cultures, ideas and having great exposure to a new environment which would enrich my knowledge for professional growth and ultimately help me in the long run to contribute greatly to the development and establishment of qualitative leadership academy in my home country, Nigeria upon my return.
    Presently, I work as a Credit Analyst, I developed models to support credit analysis, drafted a credit policy manual just to mention a few. I also worked in other places and assumed different roles. Through my dedication, hard work, analytical and problem-solving skills, I made impacts at the organizations I worked for and my tremendous achievements are listed on my curriculum vitae. I will approach this program with the same vigor, and perform excellently.
    My choice of Hungary is attributed to her commitment to high-quality education, a vibrant economy, low cost of living, and diverse culture.
    I promise to be a great asset to your institution if given the opportunity to be part of this program.
    Thank you, as I look forward to your positive response to my application.
    Yours faithfully,
    Last edited by teechar; 13-Dec-2020 at 09:47.

  2. #2
    teechar's Avatar
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    Re: Kindly help me to review Motivation letter for MSc

    1- Which topics were you asked to cover in the letter?
    2- What is the submission deadline?
    3- What is the word limit?

  3. #3
    hasdan's Avatar
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    Re: Kindly help me to review Motivation letter for MSc

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    1- Which topics were you asked to cover in the letter?
    2- What is the submission deadline?
    3- What is the word limit?
    1. It is my motivation letter for MSc Leadership and Management program.
    2. Deadline is 17th December
    3. Character limit is 4000. And the letter has exceeded the limit.
    Please help me to review as the deadline is fast approaching.
    Thank you.

    Best regards.

  4. #4
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    Re: Kindly help me to review Motivation letter for MSc

    It would be better if there was less waffle and more substance. If possible, say something about:
    - Your achievements (curricular and extracurricular) and how those achievements relate to this course and to your future goals.
    - Your future goals and what you see yourself doing after finishing this course.
    - Why this course interests you, and how it can benefit you.
    Try to provide specifics, the more the better.

    If you can't do that, let me know, and I'll proofread the above letter as it stands.

  5. #5
    hasdan's Avatar
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    Re: Kindly help me to review Motivation letter for MSc

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    It would be better if there was less waffle and more substance. If possible, say something about:
    - Your achievements (curricular and extracurricular) and how those achievements relate to this course and to your future goals.
    - Your future goals and what you see yourself doing after finishing this course.
    - Why this course interests you, and how it can benefit you.
    Try to provide specifics, the more the better.

    If you can't do that, let me know, and I'll proofread the above letter as it stands.
    Thank you very much for your kind gesture. Here is the amended version. Kindly help me to review it. Many Thanks.


    Dear Sir,
    I am delighted to apply for the Master’s degree in Management and Leadership in your award-winning institution. My admission into this program will be a catalyst to my professional development and fulfillment of my dream to be a Management Consultant. I am also keen to explore, learn, and share innovative ways of leading and managing sustainable global businesses.
    The major problem that African countries are battling with is not lack of resources but lack of quality leadership and effective management of these resources. According to the United Nations, “Africa is home to 30 percent of the world’s mineral reserves. African also has the largest population of young people who are capable to drive sustainable economic growth but this set of people has been incapacitated, under-utilized and are wallowing in poverty. Despite being so richly endowed by nature, the African continent remains one of the poorest continents on the globe, with almost fifty percent of the population living on less than $1.25 per day. This is largely due to a lack of quality and visionary leader who will effectively and judiciously develop and manage these natural resources for equitable and sustainable development. This problem cut across political organizations, public corporations as well as privately owned business organizations. There is an urgent need to address this deficiency in order for the continent to reap the economic and social benefits inherent in these human and natural wealth.
    My curious nature endears me to study Business Administration and Management at the undergraduate level which has provided me with a solid foundation in every area of Business and Resources Management and has further helped me in appreciating the mechanism of leadership and management. Through passion, confidence, and a strong desire to excel made me to graduate with Second Class, Upper Division, and ranked me among the best 10 graduating students in my department.
    My undergraduate program including my undergraduate research work prepared me for tasks and roles in management and leadership. I volunteered at different levels and undertook various leadership positions during my undergraduate program ranging from Faculty Coordinator of Foursquare Campus Fellowship for two years. There was tremendous improvement in our Fellowship students’ performance during my tenor as I organized various Curricula and Extracurricular programs for the students. I also lead fellow course mates on an Industrial Research and our report was the best among other groups. Annually, I plan, organize, sponsor and draw up activities for summer class for students in my community during summer breaks as a way of giving back to the society. These achievements were attributed to my leadership and management skills.
    My excellent performance in my undergraduate courses will serve as a solid foundation for this program to build upon. These courses include: Comparative Management, Organizational Behavior, Production Management, Management of Multi-National Corporations, Business Policy and Strategy among others
    The knowledge I will acquire from this program will enable me to deal with complex processes and structures in a constantly changing business environment. I believe very strongly that I can be a major change agent in Nigeria, and the world at large raising a set of new leaders who are visionary, selfless, and willing to deliver sustainable development.
    This program will be taught seasoned professors, renowned researchers, and global thought leaders across industries. Additionally, the modules would bestow me with soft skills, managerial, and leadership competencies, enhancing my decision-making strategies.
    As a highly organized and efficient professional with a variety of leadership experience, exceptional interpersonal abilities, and excellent communication skills. I believe I possessed the potential to excel in this program if considered.
    My great networking and adaptation skills which have helped in the past during mandatory Service to my country would be a great enabler to settle in Hungary properly. I am very excited about internalizing new cultures, ideas and having great exposure to a new environment which would enrich my knowledge for professional growth.
    Ultimate, upon my return, I will set-up a Management Consulting firm and a qualitative leadership academy to address the leadership challenges in Nigeria and Africa at large.
    Presently, I work as a Credit Analyst, I developed models to support credit analysis, drafted a credit policy manual, carried out feasibility study on the location of our newest branch which is a top performer, just to mention a few. I also worked in other places and assumed different roles. Through my dedication, hard work, analytical and problem-solving skills, I made impacts at the organizations I worked for and my tremendous achievements are listed on my curriculum vitae. I will approach this program with the same vigor, and perform excellently.
    My choice of Hungary is attributed to her commitment to high-quality education, a vibrant economy, low cost of living, and diverse culture.
    I promise to be a great asset to your institution if given the opportunity to be part of this program.
    Thank you, as I look forward to your positive response to my application.
    Yours faithfully,
    Hassan Seun

  6. #6
    teechar's Avatar
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    Re: Kindly help me to review Motivation letter for MSc

    Quote Originally Posted by hasdan View Post
    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I wish to apply for the Master’s in Management and Leadership degree program at your award-winning institution. My admission into this program will be a catalyst to my professional development and fulfillment of my dream to be a management consultant. I am also keen to explore, learn, and share innovative ways of leading and managing sustainable global businesses.

    The major problem that African countries, home to 30 percent of the world’s mineral reserves, are battling with is not lack of resources but lack of quality leadership and effective management of these resources. Africa also has the largest population of young people who are capable to drive sustainable economic growth, but those young people have been incapacitated, under-utilized and are wallowing in poverty, with almost fifty percent of the population living on less than $1.25 per day. This is largely due to a lack of visionary leaders who will effectively and judiciously develop and manage these natural resources for equitable and sustainable development. The problem cuts across political organizations, public corporations as well as privately owned businesses. Thus, there is an urgent need to address this critical issue.

    In 2019, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree (second class, upper division) in Business Administration and Management from ABCD University, and I was rank among the top 10 graduating students in my department.

    My undergraduate program included research work in management and leadership. I also volunteered at different levels and undertook various leadership positions, such as Faculty Coordinator of Foursquare Campus Fellowship for two years. There was tremendous improvement in our students’ performance during my tenure as I organized various curricular and extracurricular programs for them. I also lead fellow classmates on an industrial research expedition, and our report was the best in the class. Annually, I plan, organize, and raise funds for summer class activities for students in my community during the summer break.

    My excellent performance in my undergraduate courses will serve as a solid foundation for your program. The knowledge I will acquire from the program will enable me to deal with complex processes and structures in a constantly changing business environment. I believe very strongly that I can be a major change agent in Nigeria and beyond as a leader who has vision, and is selfless and willing to deliver sustainable development. As this program is taught by renowned academics and global thought leaders from across various industries, it would endow me with soft skills, managerial, and leadership competencies, and valuable decision-making strategies.

    My great networking and social skills will help me to settle in Hungary and be part of the community. I am very excited about experiencing new cultures and living in a new environment which would enrich my knowledge for professional growth.

    Upon my return to Nigeria, I plan to set up a management consultancy firm and a qualitative leadership academy to address the leadership challenges in Nigeria and Africa at large. Presently, I work as a credit analyst, where I developed models to support credit analysis, drafted a credit policy manual, and carried out a feasibility study on the location of our newest branch which is now a top performer.

    My choice of studying in Hungary is based on the high quality of education, the vibrant economy, the low cost of living, and the diverse culture.

    I promise to be an asset to your institution if given the opportunity to be part of this program. I will approach the program with vigor, and do my best to succeed.

    Thank you, and I look forward to your positive response.

    Yours faithfully,

    Hassan Seun
    Change the text in red to your actual particulars.

    Also, if you know the surname and title of the person who will read this letter, then address it using those.
    For example:
    Dear Dr Hudson,
    Dear Ms Langley,
    And in that case, end it with:
    Yours sincerely.

  7. #7
    hasdan's Avatar
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    Re: Kindly help me to review Motivation letter for MSc

    Wow...This is great! Thank you so much. More strength to you.

  8. #8
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    Re: Kindly help me to review Motivation letter for MSc

    You're welcome, and I wish you the best of luck with your application. Let us know how you get on.

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