Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 Last
Results 1 to 10 of 24
  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    570

    ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ****************************

    “I see father putting a book wrapped in oiled leather into a crevice. The scene becomes blurry, and then a feeling of many years, maybe thousands, passing. I see my grandfather, but no, it’s not him. There are others there with him, and they call him Yi Yang, but a voice tells me he’s Rui; his daughter Meili is there too, but they call her Debra. I’m confused by these name changes. More confusing is another girl with mother’s name, Jingying; she and Debra look like sisters, twins, but not quite identical. Somehow I know that they are but at the same time that they are not sisters. When I look at Debra, the voice says, ‘made’, and when I look at Jingying, the voice says, ‘born’. I’m not sure what all this means.”

    Everyone else looks confused too, but Gan’s expression changes to one of enlightenment. “I think I know. Your grandfather and Rui were working on ways to give Rui autonomous mobility. When I left, they had already created machines in which Rui could put part of his mind and move about. They made one for Meili too, but the machines were too limited to be a permanent solution, and so, the work continued. Somehow, they must have found a way to make human bodies in which to put their minds.”
    Last edited by rodgers white; 18-Jan-2021 at 23:21.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    72,668

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    From the context, I'd take the commas off around Yi Yang.

  3. #3
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    570

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    I have corrected it. So is there any room to improve, do you have any other suggestions?
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,269

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    I see Father putting a book wrapped in oiled leather into a crevice.

    A crevice. Where?
    Not a professional teacher

  5. #5
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    570

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    I see Father putting a book wrapped in oiled leather into a crevice.

    A crevice. Where?
    Thank you for reminding me. As for 'a crevice', I mean a crevice in a rock wall.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  6. #6
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    7,390

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    A crevice is a crack in a wall. I think you mean a niche.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  7. #7
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    570

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    A crevice is a crack in a wall. I think you mean a niche.
    Yeah. That is what exactly what I want to say: Father put a book wrapped in oiled leather into a crack. Is it acceptable or possible?
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 19-Jan-2021 at 11:37. Reason: Enlarged font
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  8. #8
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,269

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    No, I think crevice is better. However, people might not understand what you are saying. (It's not a word I see every day.) Of course, context might tell the reader that. (Obviously, I don't see that context here.)
    Not a professional teacher

  9. #9
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    8,493

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ****************************

    I see father putting a book wrapped in oiled leather into a crevice. The scene becomes blurry, and then a feeling of many years, maybe thousands, passing. I see my grandfather, but no, its not him. There are others there with him, and they call him Yi Yang, but a voice tells me hes Rui. His daughter Meili is there too, but they call her Debra. Im confused by these name changes. More confusing is another girl with Mothers name, Jingying. She and Debra look like sisters, twins, but not quite identical. Somehow I know that they are but at the same time that they are not sisters. When I look at Debra, the voice says, "Made," and when I look at Jingying, the voice says, "Born". Im not sure what all this means.

    Everyone else looks confused too, but Gans expression changes to one of enlightenment. I think I know. Your grandfather and Rui were working on ways to give Rui autonomous mobility. When I left, they had already created machines in which Rui could put part of his mind and move about. They made one for Meili too, but the machines were too limited to be a permanent solution, and so, the work continued. Somehow, they must have found a way to make human bodies in which to put their minds.
    Autonomous mobility?

    Be careful with quotation marks. Misplacing them can confuse readers.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  10. #10
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    570

    Re: ...wrapped in oiled leather...

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    Autonomous mobility?

    Be careful with quotation marks. Misplacing them can confuse readers.
    As for 'Autonomous mobility', I mean: Rui, a robot with a sythetical intelligence, has gained the ability of the freedom of movement without the control of human beings.

    By the way, I placed the first paragraph in a quotation mark. I mean the whole paragraph is the words said by Lanhua, the daughter of Jingying.

    PS:
    You said, "The American comedian and filmmaker Woody Allen made a movie where he says, 'I've never paid for sex,' and the woman says, 'Yes you just have. You just didn't know it'." What is the movie where he says that? Is it 'Manhattan'?
    Last edited by rodgers white; 20-Jan-2021 at 08:12.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 Last

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •