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  1. #11
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: He walked in the house, hoping his mom

    My problem with it was that the sentence goes on to say that the tiles had turned dark with blood, so they're not actually white at the time he's looking at them. I assumed alpacinoutd was trying to contrast the usual colour of the tiles with the colour they now are. If that's the case, he usually considers the tiles to be "sickly white". I find that odd.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  2. #12
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: He walked in the house, hoping his mom

    How about:

    She was staring at him silently, the tiny veins in her eyes swollen. with bloodshot eyes.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #13
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: He walked in the house, hoping his mom

    Her eyes were lifeless. She was staring at nothing at all.
    Not a professional teacher

  4. #14
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: He walked in the house, hoping his mom

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Her eyes were lifeless. She was staring at nothing at all.
    I thought about pointing that out at the beginning. If she's dead, she's incapable of staring. However, in literature, dead eyes are commonly described as having a cold, staring gaze (or similar).
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. #15
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: He walked in the house, hoping his mom

    I failed to point out that it was not only a comment but a suggestion.

    (Point taken!)
    Not a professional teacher

  6. #16
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: He walked in the house, hoping his mom

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    My problem with it was that the sentence goes on to say that the tiles had turned dark with blood, so they're not actually white at the time he's looking at them. I assumed alpacinoutd was trying to contrast the usual colour of the tiles with the colour they now are. If that's the case, he usually considers the tiles to be "sickly white". I find that odd.
    I assumed that the contrast with what he was seeing as he saw the body, which would have notions of sickness, so it could be a sickly white.

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