it's good you're enjoying writing! For some reason, I'd put damp at the front of the string.
Some general comments:
Alliteration works best in verse. A little bit can be great in prose, but it gets heavy-handed quickly. Verse usually uses luminous language to make words stand out. Prose usually uses transparent language to make words disappear.
The same goes for adjectives. Verse loves them for their own sake. Prose tolerates them if they serve a purpose.
By the way, when you look at Elmore Leonard and Raymond Carver, pay attention to how they do and don't use adjectives and alliteration.