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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    he was so tired the veins in his eyes were red

    Is this good?

    James looked in the mirror. He was so tired the tiny veins in his eyes had become bright red and swollen.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Re: he was so tired the veins in his eyes were red

    Didn't I already say that "swollen" isn't a good fit with the veins in someone's eyes?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: he was so tired the veins in his eyes were red

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Didn't I already say that "swollen" isn't a good fit with the veins in someone's eyes?
    I thought maybe it didn't work in that situation. I wanted to try it in another situation.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: he was so tired the veins in his eyes were red

    Are you familiar with the phrase "bloodshot eyes"? That's what you're describing.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. #5
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: he was so tired the veins in his eyes were red

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Are you familiar with the phrase "bloodshot eyes"? That's what you're describing.
    I like learning new things.

    Is this good?

    James looked in the mirror, staring at himself with bloodshot eyes. He yearned for his cozy bed. But he had to stay up until the morning to finish the project.

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: he was so tired the veins in his eyes were red

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    I like learning new things.

    Is this good?

    James looked stared at himself in the mirror, staring at himself with his eyes bloodshot eyes [with tiredness]. He yearned for his cozy bed no full stop here but he had to stay up until the morning to finish the project.
    See above for my suggested changes (I think they're improvements but that's up to you).
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. #7
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: he was so tired the veins in his eyes were red

    Those are all good suggestions. And just for entertainment, you might look up the many uses of redeye and red-eye.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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