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Thread: She slapped me

  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    She slapped me

    Is this good?

    "Who are you kidding Sara? You're just sleeping with him for the money." She strode towards me, holding my gaze. Her eyes were fierce before she slapped me. My cheeks felt like they were on fire.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: She slapped me

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this good?

    "Who are you kidding, Sara? You're just sleeping with him for the money." She strode towards me, holding my gaze. Her eyes were fierce. She slapped me. My cheek felt like they were on fire.
    Yes. High drama!

    We can assume that:

    - her eyes were fierce after she slapped you, too.

    - she only slapped one cheek.

    I'd slap you, too!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: She slapped me

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    Yes. High drama!

    We can assume that:

    - her eyes were fierce after she slapped you, too.

    - she only slapped one cheek.

    I'd slap you, too!
    It's a story Charlie. No need to get violent!

    So I think we need to also change they:

    "Who are you kidding, Sara? You're just sleeping with him for the money." She strode towards me, holding my gaze, her eyes fierce. She slapped me. My cheek felt like it was on fire.

  4. #4
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: She slapped me

    It's good.

    One question: For the money (a) means he paid her for sex. For his money (b) means she doesn't really love him, she just wants a rich man.

    What a difference a word makes! Which do you mean? If it's (b), change the to his.


    PS:

    The American comedian and filmmaker Woody Allen made a movie where he says, "I've never paid for sex," and the woman says, "Yes you just have. You just didn't know it."
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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