[General] I want to establish an English club here (50 words)

[Silverobama]

I'm an organizer of a local English club which is held in one of the Starbucks. A group of people sits there together and speak English. Now there's a mall in my neighborhood, I want to start another English club in the Starbucks in the new mall. Tonight, I went there and talked to people in English there. A woman was interested because she heard that I use English to talk to people. She was curious and asked me what I was doing there. I said the following after greeting her.

I want to establish an English club in this coffee shop so I'm looking for people who are interested in speaking English. Also, I practice speaking English in public, when many people looking at me, to raise my confidence because I feel nervous when speaking in front of many people.

I think the sentence after "Also" is very redundant but it totally expresses my thought here. Please help me with the italic sentences.

 

[emsr2d2]

I'm an organizer of a local English club which is held [STRIKE]in one of the[/STRIKE] at a [branch of] Starbucks. A group of people sits there together and speaks English. Now there's a mall in my neighborhood, I want to start another English club [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] at the Starbucks in the new mall. Tonight, I went there and talked to some people in English. [STRIKE]there.[/STRIKE] A woman [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] became interested [STRIKE]because[/STRIKE] when she heard [STRIKE]that I use English to talk[/STRIKE] me speaking English to people. She was curious and asked me what I was doing there. I said the following after greeting her.

I want to establish an English club in this coffee shop so I'm looking for people who are interested in speaking English. Also, I practice speaking English [STRIKE][STRIKE]in public,[/STRIKE][/STRIKE] when many people are looking at me, to raise my confidence because I usually feel nervous when speaking in [STRIKE]front of many people[/STRIKE] public.

I think the sentence after "Also" is [STRIKE]very[/STRIKE] redundant but it totally expresses my thoughts. [STRIKE]here[/STRIKE] Please help me with the italic sentences.

Please note my corrections above. The italic section can certainly be shortened. Here's how I would expect the dialogue to go:

Lady: Hello. What are you doing here?
You: Hi! I'm hoping to start an English club here. Are you interested?
Lady: I might be. It was interesting to hear you speak English.
You: Well, I'm normally a bit nervous speaking English in public so I make myself do it whenever I can, just to make me more confident.

 

[Silverobama]

Please note my corrections above. The italic section can certainly be shortened. Here's how I would expect the dialogue to go:

Lady: Hello. What are you doing here?
You: Hi! I'm hoping to start an English club here. Are you interested?
Lady: I might be. It was interesting to hear you speak English.
You: Well, I'm normally a bit nervous speaking English in public so I make myself do it whenever I can, just to make me more confident.

You've got that right, emsr2d2. Yes, those were what I was trying to express. Much appreciated!

 

[teechar]

Also, I practice speaking English in public, [STRIKE]when many people looking at me,[/STRIKE] whenever I can, to raise my confidence because I feel nervous when speaking in front of many people.
I think the sentence after "Also" is [STRIKE]very[/STRIKE] redundant, but it totally expresses my thought here.

Instead of "many people", use something like "a (large) crowd".

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Those are all good suggestions. I don't think what you said was redundant. You weren't repeating yourself, you were elaborating, giving more information.