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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    He was trying to look at this world

    Is this good?

    He was shot. He knew he wasn't going to make it. His body stopped moving but he kept his eyes open, trying to look at the world as much as he could. Then blackness overtook him.

    I'm looking for something better to replace the underlined part with. Something like grab, seize, savor or something like that.

  2. #2
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: He was trying to look at this world

    He was shot. He knew he wasn't going to make it. His body stopped moving but he kept his eyes open, reluctant to let go of his life/clinging on for dear life. Then blackness overtook him.
    Last edited by tedmc; 24-Jan-2021 at 06:31.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: He was trying to look at this world

    Open with "He had been shot". The shooting clearly happened before the rest.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. #4
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: He was trying to look at this world

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Open with "He had been shot". The shooting clearly happened before the rest.
    He had been shot. He knew he wasn't going to make it. His body stopped moving but he kept his eyes open, trying to look at the world as much as he could. Then blackness overtook him.

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