Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
Hello.

Is this good?

As the plane took off, a strange mix of airsickness and homesickness overwhelmed her. Her stomach heaved and rebelled, and nausea overcame her as the coffee she had drunk before the flight burned her throat and poured out of her mouth over on the bald man sitting next to her.

That image doesn't really work, for a couple of reasons. Whatever she was puking, it wasn't hot coffee. And over and on don't really work together there.


Stricken with a burning shame, she would much rather be swallowed up by a black hole right there and then.

Rather might not be quite right. Readers will wonder: Rather than what?
It's a little too much. The scene could have more impact with less information.