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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    she was swept with airsickness

    Hello.

    Is this good?

    As the plane took off, a strange mix of airsickness and homesickness swept over her. Her stomach heaved and rebelled and nausea overcame her as the coffee she had drunk before the flight burned her throat and poured out of her mouth over on the bald man sitting next to her. Overwhelmed with a burning shame, she would much rather be swallowed up by a black hole right there and then.
    Last edited by alpacinoutd; 25-Jan-2021 at 00:10.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    Again, you have used a string of words in your title that doesn't appear in your post. You're not asking us about "She was swept with airsickness" (which is wrong). You used "strange mix of airsickness and homesickness swept over her" which is (almost) right. I say "almost" because you omitted the indefinite article before it.

    Please take more care with your thread titles.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Again, you have used a string of words in your title that doesn't appear in your post. You're not asking us about "She was swept with airsickness" (which is wrong). You used "strange mix of airsickness and homesickness swept over her" which is (almost) right. I say "almost" because you omitted the indefinite article before it.

    Please take more care with your thread titles.
    I actually noticed "a" before reading your post. Would you read it again please? Is it good now?

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    As I have just posted in another of your threads, asking if something is "good" is fairly pointless. It asks for a subjective opinion. Ask us if your pieces are grammatically correct.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. #5
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    As I have just posted in another of your threads, asking if something is "good" is fairly pointless. It asks for a subjective opinion. Ask us if your pieces are grammatically correct.

    Is it correct?

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Hello. Unnecessary. Please don't bother with a greeting that we have to take the time to delete because it's irrelevant.

    Is this good correct?

    As the plane took off, a strange mix of airsickness and homesickness swept over her. Her stomach heaved and rebelled, and nausea overcame her as the coffee she had drunk before the flight burned her throat and poured out of her mouth over on the bald man sitting next to her. Overwhelmed with a burning shame, she would much rather have liked to be swallowed up by a black hole right there and then.
    See above. In case my strikethrough isn't clear, there shouldn't be an article before "burning shame".

    It would be very odd to throw up over the head of the person sitting next to her. She would have to stand up to do that, which you're not allowed to do while the plane is taking off/ascending. If they're both sitting down, she would have to turn her head to the side in order to throw up over him at all. If she did that, she would probably throw up over his arm or possibly in his lap. If she's facing forward, she would simply throw up over the back of the seat in front of her.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. #7
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    See above. In case my strikethrough isn't clear, there shouldn't be an article before "burning shame".

    It would be very odd to throw up over the head of the person sitting next to her. She would have to stand up to do that, which you're not allowed to do while the plane is taking off/ascending. If they're both sitting down, she would have to turn her head to the side in order to throw up over him at all. If she did that, she would probably throw up over his arm or possibly in his lap. If she's facing forward, she would simply throw up over the back of the seat in front of her.
    Fair enough. What about this?

    As the plane took off, a strange mix of airsickness and homesickness swept over her. Her stomach heaved and rebelled, and nausea overcame her as the coffee she had drunk before the flight burned her throat and poured out of her mouth over the back of the man sitting in the front row. Overwhelmed with burning shame, she would have liked to be swallowed up by a black hole right there and then.

  8. #8
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    If the coffee was going to burn her throat I would think it would have done so while going down, not when coming back up.
    Not a professional teacher

  9. #9
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    Acid reflux?

  10. #10
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: she was swept with airsickness

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    If the coffee was going to burn her throat I would think it would have done so while going down, not when coming back up.
    The throat always burns when a person vomits.

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