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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    ...heard the similarity...

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************
    As Lanhua approached the paddock, she saw her brother and Moogh. Moogh had lowered his large head gently against Yang’s chest, just as a child does with a parent for comfort. Yang stroked the side of Moogh’s face while talking to his old friend in a gentle voice. Suxin was standing a short distance away with her mother, who was holding her hand. Letting go of her mother Suxin walked towards her father and Moogh.

    Lanhua, seeing Suxin walking towards Yang, remembered her dream. “Dad, Mom, this is my dream. It was not my younger self that I saw, but Suxin.”

    Lanhua walked towards Moogh, lifting Suxin onto her hip as she went. Moogh looked at both girls, and as they came within reach, he sniffed at them. Moogh made a soft sound similar to laughter, similar to Yang’s laughter as a boy, a laugh of joy, which said: “I’m home and I'm safe.”

    Yang pulled an apple from his pouch but dropped it, and as he bent over to pick it up, Moogh nudged his butt with his nose, and Yang fell to the ground. Both Moogh and Yang laughed, and everyone heard the similarity of their laughter, and they laughed too.

    Someone called out. “This is the child's dream, the one they told us about a few years ago. Her dream came true.” Everyone went quiet, and all faces turned to Lanhua and nodded their respect. Yang knew at that moment that no one would doubt her dreams of the meteorites.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 26-Jan-2021 at 11:57. Reason: Put the opening sentence in the default font and size
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...heard the similarity...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************
    As Lanhua approached the paddock, she saw her brother and Moogh. Moogh had lowered his large head gently against Yang’s chest, just as a child does with a parent for comfort. Yang stroked the side of Moogh’s face while talking to his old friend in a gentle voice. Suxin was standing a short distance away with her mother, who was holding her hand. Letting go of her mother, Suxin walked towards her father and Moogh.

    Lanhua, seeing Suxin walking towards Yang, remembered her dream. “Dad, Mom, this is my dream. It was not my younger self that I saw, but Suxin.”

    Lanhua walked towards Moogh, lifting Suxin onto her hip as she went. Moogh looked at both girls, and as they came within reach, he sniffed at them. Moogh made a soft sound like laughter, like Yang’s laughter as a boy, a laugh of joy that said: “I’m home and I'm safe.”

    Yang pulled an apple from his pouch but dropped it, and as he bent over to pick it up, Moogh nudged his butt with his nose, and Yang fell to the ground. Both Moogh and Yang laughed, and everyone heard the similarity of their laughter, and they laughed too.

    Someone called out. “This is the child's dream, the one they told us about a few years ago. Her dream came true.” Everyone went quiet, and all faces turned to Lanhua and nodded their respect. Yang knew at that moment that no one would doubt her dreams of the meteorites.
    It's good.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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