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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    ...jumping to the conclusion...

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ********************************************

    When the village Elders informed the people about Lanhua's dream of the meteorites, a few spoke in panicked voices, jumping to the conclusion that they did not have enough time to prepare. Gan looked at the Elders, and they gave him the nod to speak. In a loud voice, he asked for quiet, then. “When my family knew of the dream, I took it straight to the Elders who correctly told me to wait before telling you, but they also put me in charge of making preparations for the whole village, which is now complete. As for telling you about the dream itself, back then, it would have been a waste of time, because most of you would not have believed me.”

    There were murmurs and then nods, as the villagers realised the truth of what he had said. Gan let the murmuring die down and then continued. “I have also built a device that will allow us to see deep into the night sky and have ample warning of the meteors, I invite you to send one family member to look through the device. As yet the meteors are not visible, but I will point it at the moon and other things so that you can see how it works.”

    The crowd calmed; even more, some even laughed nervously. Gan went on. “My family and a few others have worked hard at preparing a place of safety, in which we all can wait until the crisis has passed and things have returned to normal. The first ten family representatives may come tonight to view the sky through my telescope, an hour after moonrise.”
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...jumping to the conclusion...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ********************************************

    When the village Elders informed the people about Lanhua's dream of the meteorites, a few spoke in panicked voices, jumping to the conclusion that they did not have enough time to prepare. Gan looked at the Elders, and they gave him the nod to speak. In a loud voice, he asked for quiet, then, “When my family knew of the dream, I took it straight to the Elders, who correctly told me to wait before telling you. But they also put me in charge of making preparations for the whole village, which are now complete. As for telling you about the dream itself, back then, it would have been a waste of time, because most of you would not have believed me.”

    There were murmurs and then nods, as the villagers realised the truth of what he had said. Gan let the murmuring die down and then continued. “I have also built a device that will allow us to see deep into the night sky and have ample warning of the meteors, I invite you to send one family member to look through the device. As yet the meteors are not visible, but I will point it at the moon and other things so that you can see how it works.”

    The crowd calmed; even more, some even laughed nervously. Gan went on. “My family and a few others have worked hard at preparing a place of safety, in which we all can wait until the crisis has passed and things have returned to normal. The first ten family representatives may come tonight to view the sky through my telescope, an hour after moonrise.”
    Capitalizing Elders isn't necessarily wrong, but in can seem pretentious. You be the judge.

    Saying enough time to spare is redundant. Either use enough time or time to spare. Don't combine them.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: ...jumping to the conclusion...

    Thank you for your time. As for 'enough time to spare' , my original text says 'enough time to prepare'.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

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