[Application] Would you be so kind and help with my Msc application?

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carl_gauss

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I was born in a port town, where the **** River meets the **** Sea, that made ****** an industrial town. So when my school too me to a fertilizer factory I was astonished. Which was a milestone for me, because before I wanted to become a mathematician, until industry grew in my heart, which took me to becoming a Chemical Engineer. However, after learning Engineering I found a way combine my passions in control engineering. However, over time the industry I so loved withered away due to its poor efficiency. This is the why I chose Politecnico di milano to study my masters in automation and control engineering. Because control engineering presents an opportunity for countries like ***** to improve performance, giving more to people. Additionally, I have previous experience in the subject, having published a nonlinear control article in an Italian journal, presented in the CHISA conference, and field experience in designing of control loops. This is why I believe I have what is necessary for this masters.

My ideals shaped my commitment, but I owe my motivation to some important figures. Firstly, my transport phenomena teacher, professor ******, only through his charisma, while teaching fluid mechanics, I began to learn modelling and how to understand reality, only then I began to love Engineering. Secondly, my process control teacher Dr. ***** was decisive for me, he taught me that I didn’t have to renounce math, that engineering could complement math in my life. Additionally, he helped me find the beautiful complexity in engineering, this led me to choose him as my thesis advisor, where he taught me advanced linear algebra, bifurcation analysis, numerical methods, feedback linearization, and IMC tuning.

The heavy books helped me in my thesis, on which I published a nonlinear control article in the Italian Journal "****”, with a presentation at the **rd International Congress of Chemical and Process Engineering in Prague. Mainly, the article used system dynamics, and bifurcation theory to find stable areas of the IMC tuned PID parameter space, of a substrate inhibited bioreactor, comparing it to the same system but feedback linearized, finding heuristics for future control, and managing uncertainty of controller parameters. An insightful and complex method was used, to find practical rules. For instance, an upper limit was found in the set point of about 90% of substrate inflow. Additionally, another heuristic was about uncertainty parameters, it was found that performance is less affected by overestimation of these rather than underestimation.

The heuristics were useful in my next work. Where I helped in a pilot plant design with the Bioprocess research team, for turning waste Chlorhydric acid and urine into fertilizer, sponsored by ***, a metal deck company, and *****, a portable bathroom company. I designed controller loops units, meeting operational targets. the practical application of my knowledge was arduous, given that until that point my work was purely theretical. Thus, I stabilized the principal units, around the operational equilibrium points, which signified the possibility of escalating the control of the plant to a higher scale. Additionally, the stabilization time was short enough, that it was proven that it was worth it to examine economically the process control of the future plant with more detail.

Both projects were fun, with them I decided to continue my research on nonlinear control, which I would like to do with Politecnico di Milano, because I believe with your guidance I can continue my path and bring my experience to the university. Moreover, with my effort I need little support to start new work, and can do tenfold with significant support. So in brief, the reason I am looking to study a masters in automation and control engineering is because I could be helpful to the industry. Additionally, I have what is necessary due to my experience: an article published in the journal “*****”, with speaker position in the **** CHISA conference, both of which took me a lot of work to do, given the level of difficulty of the matter. Furthermore, I also believe my experience in the industry, will be incredibly important in helping me in my future formation, including my masters and PhD.

Yours truly,

*********





This is the 100th i write, i basically know it by memory, but what can i improve
 
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Tarheel

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I have questions. Have you read any of the other threads in this subforum? Why didn't you make paragraphs?

Work on capitalization. It's one very long block of text. Make paragraphs. (Post #4.)
 

Tarheel

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This is the 100th time i write. i basically know it by memory. but what can i improve?



There are at least six errors there.
 

teechar

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Hello carl_gauss, and welcome. :)
1- What is the word limit for your application?
2- What areas are you expected to address in your letter?
3- What is the submission deadline?
 

Tarheel

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If you have written it 100 times it should be perfect (or nearly so) by now. Unfortunately, you have a lot to work on.

Post it again one paragraph at a time. Start with the next post.
 

carl_gauss

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Hello carl_gauss, and welcome. :)
1- What is the word limit for your application?
2- What areas are you expected to address in your letter?
3- What is the submission deadline?

the prompt in the university website says this:

"A letter of motivation (also called a "statement of purpose" or "personal essay") is a brief essay in which you explain what you hope to achieve, as well as what qualifies you as a top candidate for the admission, why you selected that specific programme, and why you have chosen Politecnico di Milano among other universities.

If you apply to 2 courses, please write 2 different motivation letters (max. 2 pages each) and combine them into one pdf file to be uploaded on your profile.

The letter of motivation is an extremely important part of the application documents because it provides the evaluation committee with a description of your personality, as well as in what way you plan to contribute to and benefit from the programme you are applying to."

as for the deadline, it's february 15
 

carl_gauss

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If you have written it 100 times it should be perfect (or nearly so) by now. Unfortunately, you have a lot to work on.

Post it again one paragraph at a time. Start with the next post.

ok i edited the post
 

carl_gauss

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here is the prompt with the information

"A letter of motivation (also called a "statement of purpose" or "personal essay") is a brief essay in which you explain what you hope to achieve, as well as what qualifies you as a top candidate for the admission, why you selected that specific programme, and why you have chosen Politecnico di Milano among other universities.

If you apply to 2 courses, please write 2 different motivation letters (max. 2 pages each) and combine them into one pdf file to be uploaded on your profile.

The letter of motivation is an extremely important part of the application documents because it provides the evaluation committee with a description of your personality, as well as in what way you plan to contribute to and benefit from the programme you are applying to"

also i frankly don't know the deadline, looking through university websites gives me a pulsing headache, and i couldn't find the information, so i had to write an email
 

teechar

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explain what you hope to achieve, as well as what qualifies you as a top candidate for the admission, why you selected that specific programme, and why you have chosen Politecnico di Milano among other universities.
You haven't really addressed the underlined parts. Do you think you can do that?
 

carl_gauss

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You haven't really addressed the underlined parts. Do you think you can do that?

Yes, i tried before, but as it is not very clear where i do, i used some better terminology, here it is


I was born in a port town, where the River meets the sea, that made ****** an industrial town. So when I was taken by school to a fertilizer factory I was astonished. That was a milestone for me, before I wanted to become a mathematician, until industry grew in my heart, taking me to become a Chemical Engineer. However, after learning Engineering I found a way combine my passions in control engineering. Yet, over time the industry I so loved diminished due to its poor efficiency. Consequently, I chose automation and control engineering, because I hope to develop research to help underdeveloped countries like my own improve efficiency, giving more to people. I picked Politecnico di Milano for this because it is a top European university, and has enough research output to help me on my way. Additionally, I have previous experience, having published a nonlinear control article in an Italian journal, presented in CHISA ****, and field experience designing of control loops. Thus I am ideal for the Masters.

My ideals shaped my commitment, but I owe my motivation to some important figures. Firstly, my transport phenomena teacher, professor *****, only through his charisma, while teaching fluid mechanics, I began to learn modelling and how to understand reality, only then I began to love Engineering. Secondly, my process control teacher Dr. ****** was decisive for me, he taught me that I didn’t have to renounce math, that engineering could complement math in my life. Additionally, he helped me find the beautiful complexity in engineering, this led me to choose him as my thesis advisor, where he taught me advanced linear algebra, bifurcation analysis, numerical methods, feedback linearization, and IMC tuning.

The heavy books helped me in my thesis, on which I published a nonlinear control article in the Italian Journal “************”, with a presentation at the **** International Congress of Chemical and Process Engineering in Prague. Mainly, the article used system dynamics, and bifurcation theory to find stable areas of the IMC tuned PID parameter space, of a substrate inhibited bioreactor, comparing it to the same system but feedback linearized, finding heuristics for future control, and managing uncertainty of controller parameters. An insightful and complex method was used, to find practical rules. For instance, an upper limit was found in the set point of about 90% of substrate inflow. Additionally, another heuristic was about uncertainty parameters, it was found that performance is less affected by overestimation of these rather than underestimation.

The heuristics were useful in my next work. Where I helped in a pilot plant design with the Bioprocess research team, for turning waste Chlorhydric acid and urine into fertilizer, sponsored by ******, a metal deck company, and *****, a portable bathroom company. I designed controller loops units, meeting operational targets. the practical application of my knowledge was arduous, given that until that point my work was purely theretical. Thus, I stabilized the principal units, around the operational equilibrium points, which signified the possibility of escalating the control of the plant to a higher scale. Additionally, the stabilization time was short enough, that it was proven that it was worth it to examine economically the process control of the future plant with more detail.

Both projects were fun, with them I decided to continue my research on nonlinear control, which I would like to do with Politecnico di Milano. I chose for your ample human talent, and vast wealth of knowledge helping in my way. Moreover, with my effort I need little support to start new work, and can do tenfold with significant support. So in brief, the reason I am looking to study a masters in automation and control engineering is because I could be helpful to the industry. Additionally, I have what is necessary due to my experience: an article published in the journal “************”, with speaker position in the **** CHISA conference, both of which took me a lot of work to do, given the level of difficulty of the matter. Furthermore, I also believe my experience in the industry, will be incredibly important in helping me in my future formation, including my masters and PhD.

Yours truly,


-----------------------------
did it improve? what can i do better?
 
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emsr2d2

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This is the [STRIKE]100th[/STRIKE] hundredth time I [STRIKE]write[/STRIKE] have written it. I basically know it by memory, but what can I improve?

The prompt [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] on the university website says this:

As for the deadline, it's February 15.

[STRIKE]ok[/STRIKE] OK/Okay. I have edited the post.

Here is the prompt with the information:

Also, I [STRIKE]frankly[/STRIKE] honestly don't know the deadline. Looking through university websites gives me a pulsing headache, and I [STRIKE]couldn't[/STRIKE] haven't been able to find the information, so I had to [STRIKE]write[/STRIKE] send them an email.

Yes, I tried before, but as it is not very clear where I do, I used some better terminology. Here it is:

[STRIKE]did it[/STRIKE] Have I improved it? What can I do better?

Carl_guass, please look carefully at my multiple corrections above. You will, no doubt, be disappointed that I have not even looked at your main text, but you will be unsurprised to learn that all errors jump off the page at us and we correct them. You must, at all times, take care with your capitalisation and punctuation, not just in essays.

In the final quote box above, I have no idea what you mean by the underlined section.
 

teechar

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I was born in the industrial port town of ABCD, where the river meets the sea. When I was a young student, I went on a school trip to a fertilizer factory, which I found fascinating. That was a milestone for me, because previously I had wanted to become a mathematician, but after that school trip, I decided to become a chemical engineer. Thus, I chose automation and control engineering for my bachelor’s degree, because I am interested in research to help underdeveloped countries like my own improve production efficiency and people’s lives. I picked Politecnico di Milano for this because it is a top European university and has an excellent reputation for research.

My ideals shaped my commitment, but I owe my motivation to some important figures. Firstly, my transport phenomena teacher, Professor *****, who only through his charisma, while teaching fluid mechanics, I began to learn modelling and how to understand reality. He really made me love engineering. Secondly, my process control teacher Dr. ****** was decisive for me, as he taught me that I did not have to renounce math, and that engineering could complement math in my life. Additionally, he helped me find the beautiful complexity in engineering, and this led me to choose him as my thesis advisor, where he taught me advanced linear algebra, bifurcation analysis, numerical methods, feedback linearization, and IMC tuning.

As part of my thesis, I published a nonlinear control article in the Italian Journal “************”, with a presentation at the **** International Congress of Chemical and Process Engineering in Prague in 2018. Mainly, the article used system dynamics, and bifurcation theory to find stable areas of the IMC tuned PID parameter space, of a substrate inhibited bioreactor, comparing it to the same system but feedback linearized, finding heuristics for future control, and managing uncertainty of controller parameters. An insightful and complex method was used to find practical rules. For instance, an upper limit was found in the set point of about 90% of substrate inflow. Additionally, another heuristic was about uncertainty parameters. It was found that performance is less affected by overestimation of these rather than underestimation.

Heuristics were also useful in my next work, where I helped in a pilot plant design with the Bioprocess research team, to turn waste hydrochloric acid and urine into fertilizer, sponsored by ******, a metal deck company, and *****, a portable bathroom company. I designed controller loops units, meeting operational targets. [ 1] the practical application of my knowledge was arduous, given that until that point my work was purely theoretical. Thus, I stabilized the principal units, around the operational equilibrium points, which signified the possibility of escalating the control of the plant to a higher scale. Additionally, the stabilization time was short enough, that it made it worthwhile to examine economically the process control of the future plant in more detail.

Both those exciting projects have motivated me to continue my research into nonlinear control, which I would like to conduct at Politecnico di Milano. With my experience and dedication, I will need little support to start new research work, but can achieve much more with significant support. In brief, the reason I am looking to do a master’s in automation and control engineering is to establish my career in this industry. Additionally, I have useful research experience (see article published in the journal “************”, with speaker position in the **** CHISA conference, both of which required significant effort, given the level of difficulty of the subject matter). Furthermore, my professional experience will be incredibly important in helping me in my future formation, including in my master’s and PhD.

Yours faithfully,
[ 1]: I have no idea what that underlined part means. Leave it out if it is not necessary.
 

Tarheel

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OK. I edited the post

You need to capitalize the first word of every sentence and the letter i when it is used as a pronoun. Also, capitalize every proper noun.

I was quite specific. I asked you to post one paragraph at a time after the post where I said that. I did not ask you to edit the OP.
 

Tarheel

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Your word choice leaves much to be desired. You can put a shortcut to www.dictionary.com on your phone. It's quite helpful. They always have several example sentences for each word.
 
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