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  1. #11
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: On the subway Anna stared at the window

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    1. Who or what is flashing?
    2. The final sentence makes it sound as if she has the memory of talking to the skeletal face of her dead mother when she was a child! I don't think that's what you mean.
    It's a dream/nightmare, not a memory.

    Another try:

    On the subway, Anna stared out the window, moving between the brightness of early morning and the blackness of tunnels. She then looked at the drowsy faces of the commuters before she herself dozed off. Anna was suddenly in her house's yard, talking to the skeletal face of her dead mother.

  2. #12
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: On the subway Anna stared at the window

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    It's a dream/nightmare, not a memory.

    Another try:

    On the subway, Anna stared out the window, moving between the brightness of early morning and the blackness of tunnels. She then looked at the drowsy faces of the commuters before she herself dozed off. Anna was suddenly in her house's yard, talking to the skeletal face of her dead mother.
    Other than those two unneeded words, it's good.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #13
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: On the subway Anna stared at the window

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    Other than those two unneeded words, it's good.

    I don't like the days that don't start with T and S Charlie!

  4. #14
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: On the subway Anna stared at the window

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    I don't like the days that don't start with T and S Charlie!
    You don't like Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, huh?
    :
    Not a professional teacher

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