Her tears and her screams raced inside his head.

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alpacinou

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1. John fell into a deep sleep. His dead mother was still alive on the hospital bed. Her tears and her screams raced inside his head.

2. She lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Her sister's desperate screams raced in her head.
 
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jutfrank

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Re: Her tears and hear screams raced inside his head.

His dead mother was still alive? I'm not sure how you want me to imagine that.

(You haven't proofread either sentence very well. Have another look.)
 

alpacinou

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Re: Her tears and hear screams raced inside his head.

His dead mother was still alive? I'm not sure how you want me to imagine that.

(You haven't proofread either sentence very well. Have another look.)

I fixed them.

Yes his mother had passed away but in his dream she was still alive.
 

alpacinou

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Re: Her tears and hear screams raced inside his head.

My focus is on the "race" part. If it doesn't work, what can I use?
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Re: Her tears and hear screams raced inside his head.

Raced is fine.
 

Tdol

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Re: Her tears and hear screams raced inside his head.

How about ran round?
 
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