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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    The little girl had suffered enough already.

    Is this correct? How can I stylistically improve it?

    The little girl had suffered enough already. Leukemia had reached her bones, tearing them apart. She didn't deserve this much pain. No one did. Her death, when it came, was merciless and merciful all at the same time.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: The little girl had suffered enough already.

    I'm not a doctor but I believe leukemia is cancer of the blood. The cancer could spread to other parts of the body, and she could now have bone cancer, but I don't think you can say that leukemia had reached her bones.

    Please tell me you're planning to write a cheerful, upbeat essay or novel next. Some of your posts are really very depressing; possibly they are made more so by the current global situation.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: The little girl had suffered enough already.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I'm not a doctor but I believe leukemia is cancer of the blood. The cancer could spread to other parts of the body, and she could now have bone cancer, but I don't think you can say that leukemia had reached her bones.

    Please tell me you're planning to write a cheerful, upbeat essay or novel next. Some of your posts are really very depressing; possibly they are made more so by the current global situation.
    Fair enough.

    Is this okay?

    The little girl had suffered enough already. Cancer had reached her bones, tearing them apart. She didn't deserve this much pain. No one did. Her death, when it came, was merciless and merciful all at the same time.

    P.S: I am really sorry about some of these sad paragraphs. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm just practicing.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: The little girl had suffered enough already.

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Fair enough.

    Is this okay?

    The little girl had suffered enough already. Cancer had reached her bones, tearing them apart. She didn't deserve this much pain. No one did. Her death, when it came, was both merciless and merciful. all at the same time.

    P.S: I am really sorry about some of these sad paragraphs. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm just practicing.
    See above. I don't really like the blue underlined part. Can you come up with another way of phrasing it? I'll concede that it might have felt, to her, that her bones were being torn apart but I don't think that's actually what the cancer was doing to them (again, I'm not a doctor!)

    The paragraphs didn't upset me. I just said they were depressing. That's different.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. #5
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: The little girl had suffered enough already.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    See above. I don't really like the blue underlined part. Can you come up with another way of phrasing it? I'll concede that it might have felt, to her, that her bones were being torn apart but I don't think that's actually what the cancer was doing to them (again, I'm not a doctor!)

    The paragraphs didn't upset me. I just said they were depressing. That's different.
    Thanks.
    Again, I apologize if some of the sentences are not uplifting. I'm just trying to practice.

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