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  1. 03-Feb-2021, 22:09 #1
    alpacinoutd
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    She locked the insatiable naughty girl inside her for many years

    Is this correct? Can I improve it stylistically?

    She locked the insatiable naughty girl inside her for many years and stayed loyal to her husband. Patrick changed everything. He gave her so much pleasure and unleashed her suppressed desires. A Pandora's box had been opened. Jane opened the cage and let that pleasure-seeking girl inside her out.
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  2. 04-Feb-2021, 16:25 #2
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    Charlie Bernstein
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    Re: She locked the insatiable naughty girl inside her for many years

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this correct? Can I improve it stylistically?

    She locked the insatiable naughty girl inside her for many years and stayed loyal to her husband. Patrick changed everything. He gave her so much pleasure and unleashed her suppressed desires. A Pandora's box had been opened. Jane opened the box and let that pleasure-seeking girl inside her out.
    You had a mixed metaphor. I unmixed it.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.
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  3. 04-Feb-2021, 19:20 #3
    alpacinoutd
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: She locked the insatiable naughty girl inside her for many years

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    You had a mixed metaphor. I unmixed it.

    And Charlie is back to untangle the metaphorical complexities.
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  4. 04-Feb-2021, 19:44 #4
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    Charlie Bernstein
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    Re: She locked the insatiable naughty girl inside her for many years

    No problem. I am a metaphorical complexity!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.
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