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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    When he left, her face deflated like a balloon.

    Is this correct?

    When he left, her face deflated like a balloon. Suddenly, she looked like a puppy who has lost her toy and nothing would please her.

  2. #2
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    jutfrank is offline VIP Member
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    Re: When he left, her face deflated like a balloon.

    In the second sentence, use past perfect.

    Remove the last five words.

    Consider replacing Suddenly.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: When he left, her face deflated like a balloon.

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    In the second sentence, use past perfect.

    Remove the last five words.

    Consider replacing Suddenly.
    When he left, her face deflated like a balloon. She looked like a puppy who had lost her toy.

  4. #4
    jutfrank's Avatar
    jutfrank is offline VIP Member
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    Re: When he left, her face deflated like a balloon.

    Are you happy with that particular combination of similes?

  5. #5
    tedmc is online now VIP Member
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    Re: When he left, her face deflated like a balloon.

    I wouldn't use two similes to describe the same thing.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  6. #6
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: When he left, her face deflated like a balloon.

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    Are you happy with that particular combination of similes?

    Not necessarily.

  7. #7
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: When he left, her face deflated like a balloon.

    That had lost its toy?

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