He had found peace in his heart.

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alpacinou

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Is this correct and natural? How can I stylistically improve it?


John's wife broke him by sleeping with his best friend. The nights became rough and endless. He would wake up wanting to tear the whole room apart. After a few weeks, he found himself on the verge of total derangement. On a rainy March morning, he went to a diner near the lake after yet another sleepless night. A lissome woman was sitting alone in a corner table, nursing a cup of coffee. For some reason, he approached her table. A puzzled look flickered her face.

"May I help you?", she asked after showing him a life-giving smile. She was 35-ish, her blonde hair neatly bobbed.

John shuffled reluctantly towards her. "Are you...are you Nicole? I think we went to the same high school," he said.

"Yes, I am," she said.

After two months of dating Nicole, John could sleep again. The volcano inside him ceased burbling. He had found peace in his heart, as if his wife never existed.
 

Tdol

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alpacinou

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Burbling?

I didn't know what verb to use, burbling, gargling.

Is that the only problem? What verb should I use?
 

emsr2d2

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I'm not sure either of them works for a volcano. "Rumbling" maybe? I'd say she broke his heart, rather than broke him.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Rumbling, roiling, quaking?

I'll take burbling, but I draw the line at gargling. Get a volcano gargling, next thing you know, it'll be rinsing and spitting.

(Dentist office humor.)
 

alpacinou

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Is this okay?

John's wife broke him by sleeping with his best friend. The nights became rough and endless. He would wake up wanting to tear the whole room apart. After a few weeks, he found himself on the verge of total derangement. On a rainy March morning, he went to a diner near the lake after yet another sleepless night. A lissome woman was sitting alone in a corner table, nursing a cup of coffee. For some reason, he approached her table. A puzzled look flickered her face.

"May I help you?", she asked after showing him a life-giving smile. She was 35-ish, her blonde hair neatly bobbed.

John shuffled reluctantly towards her. "Are you...are you Nicole? I think we went to the same high school," he said.

"Yes, I am," she said.

After two months of dating Nicole, John could sleep again. The volcano inside him ceased roiling. He had found peace in his heart, as if his wife never existed.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Is this okay?

John's wife broke him by sleeping with his best friend. The nights became rough and endless. He would wake up wanting to tear the whole room apart. After a few weeks, he found himself on the verge of total derangement. On a rainy March morning, he went to a diner near the lake after yet another sleepless night. A lissome woman was sitting alone in a corner table, nursing a cup of coffee. For some reason, he approached her table. A puzzled look flickered across her face.

"May I help you?", she asked after showing him a life-giving smile. She was 35-ish, her blonde hair neatly bobbed.

[STRIKE]John shuffled reluctantly towards her. [/STRIKE]"Are you...are you Nicole? I think we went to the same high school," he said.

"Yes, I am," she said.

After two months of dating Nicole, John could sleep again. The volcano inside him ceased roiling. He had found peace in his heart, as if his wife never existed.
Ems is right, "broke" is an odd word choice — not wrong or bad, but unexpected. If you like it, it's fine to keep it. But if you actually mean she broke his heart, change it.
 
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