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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is online now Key Member
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    Julia stepped out of her room

    Is this correct and natural?

    Julia stepped out of her room in a graceful gown molded to her body. Leo somehow managed to keep his face straight. Her dress whispered her gorgeousness. She radiated sexuality like a waterfall spouted mist.
    "Did I tell you about this dress Leo? I saw yesterday at the mall. It was begging me to buy it, so I did," she said, twirling in the gown.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Re: Julia stepped out of her room

    People only have to try and keep their face straight when they're trying not to laugh. I don't get the impression that Leo found her dress funny.
    Also, we say "try to keep a straight face".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is online now Key Member
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    Re: Julia stepped out of her room

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    People only have to try and keep their face straight when they're trying not to laugh. I don't get the impression that Leo found her dress funny.
    Also, we say "try to keep a straight face".
    Okay. What about this?

    Julia stepped out of her room in a graceful gown molded to her body. Leo somehow managed to hide his being impressed. Her dress whispered her gorgeousness. She radiated sexuality like a waterfall spouted mist.
    "Did I tell you about this dress Leo? I saw yesterday at the mall. It was begging me to buy it, so I did," she said, twirling in the gown.

  4. #4
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    Amigos4 is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Julia stepped out of her room

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post

    "Did I tell you about this dress Leo? I saw
    it yesterday at the mall. It was begging me to buy it, so I did," she said, twirling in the gown.

  5. #5
    alpacinoutd is online now Key Member
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    Re: Julia stepped out of her room

    Quote Originally Posted by Amigos4 View Post
    Thanks. Is that the only problem with it?

  6. #6
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    Re: Julia stepped out of her room

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Leo somehow managed to hide his being impressed.
    This sentence sounds awkward to me. I suggest something like: Leo somehow managed to hide his approval/surprise/amazement/favorable impression.

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