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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    His stomach clenched with jealousy.

    I'm trying to express the idea that someone became really jealous after seeing a photo.

    Does this work? Are there better ways?

    John was browsing Facebook when he came across a photo of Patrick's take recently. It showed him on the Malibu beach with Julia, a girl John chased in college but could never get. His stomach clenched with jealousy. In another life, a nicer/luckier one, Julia could have been his wife.
    Last edited by alpacinoutd; 06-Feb-2021 at 00:56.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: His stomach clenched with jealousy.

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    I'm trying to express the idea that someone became really jealous after seeing a photo.

    Does this work? Are there better ways?

    John was browsing Facebook when he came across a photo that Patrick had taken recently. It showed him on a Malibu beach with Julia, a girl John chased in college but could never get. His stomach clenched with jealousy. In another life, a nicer, luckier one, Julia would have been his wife.
    It's good.
    Not a professional teacher

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: His stomach clenched with jealousy.

    I've never been to Malibu so I don't know how many beaches there are. If there's more than one, Tarheel's "a Malibu beach" is correct. If there's just one, you can say "on the beach in Malibu".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. #4
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: His stomach clenched with jealousy.

    Malibu has a string of beaches, so Al is correct. Malibu Beach is also used to mean the entire string, so you're right, too.

    A win-win!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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