Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,851

    Eric grabbed a magazine and flipped through the pages aimlessly.

    Is this correct and natural?

    Eric grabbed a magazine and flipped through the pages aimlessly. Bored, he tossed the magazine on the coffee table and trudged towards the misty window. He wanted to stare out to see the snow, instead he caught a glimpse of his own life reflected on the glass: an empty room screaming with silence. It was as if the dusty chairs, skewed on the glass, were making fun of his loneliness.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,131

    Re: Eric grabbed a magazine and flipped through the pages aimlessly.

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this correct and natural?

    Eric grabbed a magazine and flipped through the pages aimlessly. Bored, he tossed the magazine on the coffee table and trudged towards the misty window. He wanted to stare out to see the snow. Instead he caught a glimpse of his own life reflected on the glass: an empty room screaming with silence. It was as if the dusty chairs, skewed on the glass, were making fun of his loneliness.
    If the window is misted, he can't see reflections of anything in it.

    Readers love to pounce on things like that. Don't give us the chance!

    (Once I had a character who was killed on page two show up again on page five. Oops.)
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,851

    Re: Eric grabbed a magazine and flipped through the pages aimlessly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    If the window is misted, he can't see reflections of anything in it.

    Readers love to pounce on things like that. Don't give us the chance!

    (Once I had a character who was killed on page two show up again on page five. Oops.)
    Honestly, the window of my room reflects the room even when it's misty. But is this okay without misty?

    Eric grabbed a magazine and flipped through the pages aimlessly. Bored, he tossed the magazine on the coffee table and trudged towards the curtainless window. He wanted to stare out to see the snow. Instead he caught a glimpse of his own life reflected on the glass: an empty room screaming with silence. It was as if the dusty chairs, skewed on the glass, were making fun of his loneliness.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,783

    Re: Eric grabbed a magazine and flipped through the pages aimlessly.

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this correct and natural?

    Eric picked up a magazine and flipped through the pages aimlessly. Bored, he tossed the magazine onto the coffee table and walked over to the misty window. He wanted to look outside to see the snow, instead he caught a glimpse of his own life reflected from the glass: an empty room screaming with silence. It was as if the dusty chairs, skewed on the glass, were making fun of his loneliness.
    You can replace the second "window" with a pronoun. You don't need "aimlessly" in the first sentence.

    Why was the window misty? Was it streaked with some kind of precipitation?

    A lived in house or apartment doesn't have dusty furniture. (At least, I wouldn't expect it to.)
    Not a professional teacher

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •