Jane searched her room to find her necklace.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

Jane searched her room to find her necklace. She then went to Bill's room, dropped to her knees, scanning his messy room. Bill opened the door, stood in the doorframe and looked at her trying to suppress his laughter. Jane sat up from her all fours position and stared at him. There was shame in her green gaze. "I didn't mean to intrude. I was desperate to find it," she said.

I know the underlined part doesn't work. How can I fix it?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this correct and natural?

Jane searched her room for her necklace. She then went to Bill's room, dropped to her knees, and scanned his messy floor. Bill opened the door, stood in the doorframe and looked at her trying to suppress his laughter. Jane sat up [STRIKE]from her all fours position[/STRIKE] and stared at him. There was shame in her [STRIKE]green[/STRIKE] gaze. "I didn't mean to intrude. I was desperate to find it," she said.

I know the underlined part doesn't work. How can I fix it?

I've pointed this out before. What's wrong with saying ". . . looked at her trying to suppress his laughter"?

(Hint: Who is trying to suppress his laughter?)

 

[alpacinou]

I've pointed this out before. What's wrong with saying ". . . looked at her trying to suppress his laughter"?

(Hint: Who is trying to suppress his laughter?)

Yes you did and I learned it.

...stood in the doorframe and looked at her, trying to suppress his laughter.

But this is the same thread from before.