Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,716

    As they were driving home later that night, Jack tried to joke with Nicole

    Is this correct and natural?


    As they were driving home later that night, Jack tried to joke with Nicole in the hope of having a passionate night with her. "I gotta tell you, I think your attractiveness is a reflection of your mom's. She is hot," he smirked.

    "You think my mom is hot?", she scolded. "That is super weird."

    Realizing the gaffe he'd just made, Jack went into damage control mode. His eyes were moving fast between her furrowed brows and the road. A cold sweat began to trickle down his face. "No, I mean she is hot because she looks young just like you," he stuttered. A red light began to flash in his mind. When you are in a hole stop digging please, a voice echoed in his head.

    Uncomfortable, Nicole shrunk back in her seat, trying to end the conversation. An awkward silence descended on the car/settled between them.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    59,913

    Re: As they were driving home later that night, Jack tried to joke with Nicole

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this correct and natural?


    As they were driving home later that night, Jack tried to joke with Nicole in the hope of having a passionate night of passion with her. "I gotta tell you, I think your attractiveness is a reflection of your mom's. She's is hot!"he smirked.

    "You think my mom is hot?", she scolded. "That is super weird."

    Realizing the gaffe he'd just made, Jack went into damage control mode. His eyes were moving fast between her furrowed brows and the road. A cold sweat began to trickle down his face. "No, I mean she is hot because she looks young just like you," he stuttered. A red light began to flash in his mind. When you are in a hole, stop digging please, a said his inner voice. echoed in his head.

    Uncomfortable, Nicole shrunk back in her seat. trying to end the conversation. An awkward silence descended. on the car/settled between them.
    Note my suggested changes above.

    "Smirked" isn't an alternative to "said". You need a different verb; one that does mean "said". Failing that, you could end the preceding sentence at "She's hot!" and then make "He smirked" a separate sentence. Then it would be clear that he said those words and then he smirked.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •