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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    Is this correct and natural?

    He strode down the stairs and opened the door. The rain was lashing down in the unseasonably cold spring night. He handed the delivery boy a 100$ bill. "Keep the change," he said, watching the look of delight on the drenched boy.

    The cheesy pizza was dotted with green bell pepper and salami. It looked fresh and hot, wisps of steam rising from it. He couldn't hep but think about the contrast between the staleness of his life and the freshness of his meal. Seven months ago, he could have enjoyed this pizza. He would have. But now, with everything going on in his life, nothing gave him joy. Not even a mozzarella-drenched, gorgeous pizza.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this correct and natural?

    He strode down the stairs and opened the door. The rain was lashing down in the unseasonably cold spring night. He handed the delivery boy a 100$ [one-]hundred dollar bill/$100 bill. "Keep the change," he said, watching enjoying the look of delight on the drenched boy's face.

    The cheesy pizza was dotted with green bell pepper and salami. It looked fresh and hot, wisps of steam rising from it. He couldn't help but think about the contrast between the staleness of his life and the freshness of his meal. Seven months ago, he could have enjoyed this pizza. He would have. But now, with everything going on in his life, nothing gave him joy. Not even a mozzarella-drenched, gorgeous pizza.
    See above.

    The currency sign goes before the number. He didn't watch a look of delight on the boy's face. He saw it (but only after he said "Keep the change") but I think something like "enjoying" is more evocative.

    BrE would just use "green pepper". There's no need for "bell" for us. If it wasn't a green (bell) pepper, we'd call it a green chilli.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    See above.

    The currency sign goes before the number. He didn't watch a look of delight on the boy's face. He saw it (but only after he said "Keep the change") but I think something like "enjoying" is more evocative.

    BrE would just use "green pepper". There's no need for "bell" for us. If it wasn't a green (bell) pepper, we'd call it a green chilli.
    I learned "mozzarella-drenched" from you last year.

  4. #4
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    Since I said nothing gave him joy, can I use "see" instead of enjoy? What verb can I use to say he doesn't actually enjoy it even though he should?

    He strode down the stairs and opened the door. The rain was lashing down in the unseasonably cold spring night. He handed the delivery boy a $100 bill. "Keep the change," he said, seeing the look of delight on the drenched boy's face.

  5. #5
    tedmc is online now VIP Member
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    Noticing/noting?
    "Drenched" means "soaked", as in a liquid. For something on the surface, I prefer "covered/coated".
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  6. #6
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    I think "drenched" is okay there. (When it's coming down really hard you can get drenched pretty quickly.)
    Not a professional teacher

  7. #7
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    I think "drenched" is okay there. (When it's coming down really hard you can get drenched pretty quickly.)
    I think tedmc was referring to "mozzarella-drenched", which apparently alpacinoutd learned from me last year. I'll have to take his word for it! But it certainly works in BrE in the context of pizza.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  8. #8
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I think tedmc was referring to "mozzarella-drenched", which apparently alpacinoutd learned from me last year. I'll have to take his word for it!
    I kid you not! Look at post 13:

    https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/t...=1#post1593005

    I noticed this was in the good old days before I was excommunicated from Ask a Teacher section.

  9. #9
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    I don't don't mind mozzarella-drenched, but since drenched showed up a few sentences earlier, I'd change one or the other.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  10. #10
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

    I'm still looking for a better verb than "see" in this sentence:

    He strode down the stairs and opened the door. The rain was lashing down in the unseasonably cold spring night. He handed the delivery boy a $100 bill. "Keep the change," he said, seeing the look of delight on the drenched boy's face.

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