[General] I prefer to be her longtime friend to date her.

[Silverobama]

I met a very nice young woman recently. She's great and has all the qualities of an ideal girlfriend. However, I don't want to date her. In my country, in most of the courtship, people can't be successful because the one you dates doesn't like you. Things are subtle when you try to date her. If you are just a friend of a woman, it'll always be good because there are so many things for friends. If you try to date one, you spoil the relationship. I think perhaps this is a case of cultural difference.

But I just want to ask if my sentence is natural "I prefer to be her longtime (forever) friend to date her". I said this when Kris asked why I didn't date her. I know once I say I want to date her, she will turn me down because she once said to me I'm not her type. At that time, the situation will be embarrassed and we can't be friends because she knows I like her. She won't share her thoughts about everything with me.

 

[GoesStation]

I'd rather be her friend than date her.

 

[emsr2d2]

I met a very nice young woman recently. She's great and has all the qualities of an ideal girlfriend. However, I don't want to date her. :tick:

In my country, in most [STRIKE]of the[/STRIKE] courtships, people [STRIKE]can't be[/STRIKE] aren't successful because the [STRIKE]one[/STRIKE] person [STRIKE]you dates[/STRIKE] they date doesn't like [STRIKE]you[/STRIKE] them. I don't understand the logic here. If the person didn't like you, they wouldn't date you in the first place.

Things are subtle when you try to date. [STRIKE]her.[/STRIKE] I don't understand the underlined part.

If you are just [STRIKE]a friend of[/STRIKE] friends with a woman, it'll always be good because there are so many things for friends to do together.

If you try [STRIKE]to date[/STRIKE] dating [STRIKE]one[/STRIKE] a friend, you spoil the relationship.

I think perhaps this is a case of cultural difference. :tick:

[STRIKE]But[/STRIKE] I just want to ask if [STRIKE]my sentence is natural[/STRIKE] "I'd prefer to be her longtime (forever) friend than [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] date her" is natural.

I said this when Kris asked me why I didn't date [STRIKE]her[/STRIKE] a particular woman.

I know that once I [STRIKE]say[/STRIKE] tell her I want to date her, she will turn me down because she once [STRIKE]said to[/STRIKE] told me I'm not her type.

[STRIKE]At that time[/STRIKE] If that happened, [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] it would lead to an embarrassing situation [STRIKE]will be embarrassed[/STRIKE] and we [STRIKE]can't[/STRIKE] wouldn't be able to be friends because she [STRIKE]knows[/STRIKE] would know that I like her.

She won't share her thoughts about everything with me. I don't understand how this is relevant.

See above. I have put each sentence on its own line to make it easier to read with the corrections.

There might well be some cultural differences here. We wouldn't tell someone we want to date them. We would simply ask them out on a date. They would agree or refuse. I agree that it can lead to awkwardness if they say no but that's just a risk you take!

 

[Silverobama]

I don't understand the logic here. If the person didn't like you, they wouldn't date you in the first place.

Cultural differences here. If a man doesn't like a woman, he will still date her for the sake of sex.

I don't understand the underlined part.

"Things become subtle" refers to that when a man tries to date a woman, he might not behave like a friend does. I don't know how to explain that. Here's my example: before a woman knew that I wanted to date her, she was fine going out with dinner with me because we were friends. Later, when she noticed that I was trying to date her, she just turned me down. In the past, we could talk about anything in our lives, and now she didn't want to talk about too much.

She won't share her thoughts about everything with me. I don't understand how this is relevant.

Like the above.

We wouldn't tell someone we want to date them. We would simply ask them out on a date.

This is interesting, emsr2d2. You know, right here once we asks someone out on a date, this "someone" will soon understand my motive.

 

[Tarheel]

You say that in China men sometimes date women because they want to have sex with them. Then you say that's a cultural difference. No, it isn't.

What's the difference between going out with someone on a date and going out with them as friends?

Say:

[O]nce I ask someone out on a date this someone will soon understand my motive.

You can't be friends if she knows she likes you?

 

[emsr2d2]

Cultural differences here. If a man doesn't like a woman, he will still date her for the sake of sex.

I think you misunderstood my point. I wasn't talking about the man's point of view. I was talking about the woman's point of view. A man might well ask a woman out on a date just to get sex, even if he doesn't really like her, but why would a woman accept the offer of a date if she didn't like the man? That isn't explained by your post.

I'm a realist, by the way - I'm well aware that some women will go out with a man just to get sex but you didn't mention that aspect of dating.

 

[emsr2d2]

"Things become subtle" refers to the fact that when a man [STRIKE]tries to date[/STRIKE] asks a woman out on a date, he might not behave like a friend does. I don't know how to explain that.

Here's my example: before a woman knew that I wanted to date her, she was fine going out [strike]with[/strike] for dinner with me because we were friends. Later, when she [STRIKE]noticed[/STRIKE] realised that I [STRIKE]was trying[/STRIKE] wanted to date her, she [STRIKE]just turned me down[/STRIKE] wouldn't go out for dinner with me any more. In the past, we could talk about anything in our lives, [STRIKE]and now[/STRIKE] but after I asked her out, she didn't want to talk about [STRIKE]too much[/STRIKE] the same things as much.

"Things become subtle" means nothing. I think perhaps you have misunderstood the definition of "subtle".

Note my corrections above. Please stop using "try to date". It makes no sense. You don't "try to date" someone. You ask them out on a date. If they say yes, you go on a date. If you continue to see each other in a romantic setting, you are dating. If they say no, you're not dating them.

Again, it might be a cultural difference, but I'm not sure I really understand what you're saying about the difference between being good friends and dating. Good friends are good friends: they do fun things together, they laugh together, they cry together, they help each other. They just don't have intimate contact. Once you're dating someone, all the same things apply except they do have intimate contact - kissing, sex etc.
As I said in my previous post, I agree that things can become awkward if you ask a friend out on a date and they're not interested in you romantically. That can have an effect on the friendship.

 

[emsr2d2]

We wouldn't tell someone we want to date them. We would simply ask them out on a date. They would agree or refuse. I agree that it can lead to awkwardness if they say no but that's just a risk you take!

This is interesting, emsr2d2. You know, right here once we asks someone out on a date, this "someone" will soon understand my motive.

I don't understand your point. If you ask someone out on a date, the motive is clear anyway - you're romantically interested in them and you would like to develop a romantic relationship with them. Do you understand the difference between telling someone you want to date them and actually asking them out on a date?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I'd rather be her friend than date her.

Exactly.

 

[Silverobama]

Do you understand the difference between telling someone you want to date them and actually asking them out on a date?

I do. I think telling someone that I want to date them simply means I have the idea that I want to date them. If I ask them out, I do what I say and I think.

I agree with all you've said, emsr2d2. The word is "awkward". I'll write down the long paragraph of your explanation in my notebook because it's very useful.

Much appreciated!

 

[emsr2d2]

I do. I think telling someone that I want to date them simply means I have the idea that I want to date them.

Yes and no. If you just "have an idea that you want to date someone", you would keep it to yourself, keep it inside your own head! Once you have decided that you do want to date them, you would ask them out on a date. You seem to think there's a step between those two stages, where you would say to someone "Hey, Julie, I would quite like to date you". What do you think the response to that would be? It's not even a question.

The two stages are:
1. Decide you would like to ask someone out on a date.
2. Actually ask them out on a date.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Very interesting, Silver! I'm not sure I understand what you're saying about dating people you don't like (and not dating people you do like). But here's a popular old American movie about being friends without being lovers: