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  1. #11
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Licence

    Quote Originally Posted by MAJSH View Post
    Thank you all. I tried to correct my sentences. Please check and tell me if they are worded correctly.


    As discussed, I spoke to Sabian about the technical licence last week. Sabian agreed and is ready to apply for the licence[no space], but the cost and the documents will be provided by the company. Sabian confirms that he can't accept our offer unless we bear the expenses for the licence.
    It's grammatical as corrected.

    But it's confusing. In the first sentence, you say Sabian is ready to apply. In the second sentence, you say the company is willing to pay the expenses. So what's the point of the last sentence? Why is Sabian confirming what all three of you know already?
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  2. #12
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Licence

    Quote Originally Posted by MAJSH View Post
    Thank you all. I tried to correct my sentences. Please check and me tell if they are worded correctly.


    As discussed, I spoke to Sabian about the technical licence last week. Sabian agreed, and he is ready to apply for the licence, but the cost and the documents will be provided by the company. Sabian confirms that he can't accept our offer unless we bear the expenses for the licence..
    When you say you tried to correct your sentences that says to me that you are not at all sure you succeeded. (You could say you revised them.)

    The phrase "As discussed" means nothing. In fact, it's worse than that. It makes the reader (me) wonder who you discussed it with. I suggest that you clarify who you discussed it with or leave that phrase out entirely.

    Remember what I said. Brevity is important, but clarity is more important.

    Avoid using phrases that say nothing and do nothing.

    You can't provide a cost.

    The last two sentences contradict each other.

    Don't stray too far from your comfort zone.

    Don't use words you don't really understand.

    People will appreciate it if your message is clear.

    Stick to words you understand.
    Not a professional teacher

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