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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    ...retrieve the last...

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** ********

    Over the next two nights, the starlike object grew larger. Farmers harvested their crops and hunters prepared the meat from the animals they had hunted, so everyone transported their goods and returned one last time to retrieve the last of their belongings. By the time the final day came, everyone but Yang and his family had left. Xunying and Weihu had stayed behind too, refusing to leave without Lanhua and Bailian respectively.

    About midmorning, Gan and those with him also packed their final items and left. They began climbing the mountain trail after a short break for lunch. Lanhua thought. “I guess I won’t be on the mountain tonight after all.” As they climbed, Lanhua couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d forgotten something.

    Then Bailian returned to the group after a supposedly last run to the cave and Xiaohua. Bailian was breathing so hard from running that Weihu had to hold her up. Gan had told her to stay at the cavern this time, but Xiaohua had sent her back. “Uncle Gan, a child is missing; the Elder asks that you look just in case she came this way.”

    Yang volunteered to stay and look, and Lanhua did too, guessing that fate had decided it would keep her on the mountain a little longer.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...retrieve the last...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** ********

    Over the next two nights, the starlike object grew larger. The farmers harvested their crops and hunters prepared the meat from the animals they had hunted, so everyone transported their goods and returned one last time to retrieve the last of their belongings. By the time the final day came, everyone but Yang and his family had left. Xunying and Weihu had stayed behind too, refusing to leave without Lanhua and Bailian respectively.

    About midmorning, Gan and those with him also packed their final items and left. They began climbing the mountain trail after a short break for lunch. Lanhua thought. “I guess I won’t be on the mountain tonight after all.” As they climbed, Lanhua couldn’t shake off the feeling that she’d forgotten something.

    Then Bailian returned to the group after a supposedly last run to the cave and Xiaohua. Bailian was breathing so hard from running that Weihu had to hold her up. Gan had told her to stay at the cavern this time, but Xiaohua had sent her back. “Uncle Gan, a child is missing; the Elder asks that you look just in case she came this way.”

    Yang volunteered to stay and look, and Lanhua did too, guessing that fate had decided it would keep her on the mountain a little longer.
    .
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #3
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: ...retrieve the last...

    Line 2- I don't get the use of so everyone.

  4. #4
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...retrieve the last...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    Line 2- I don't get the use of so everyone.
    Yes, the second part does not seem related to the first, so it is better not to join them.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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